Just finished read Evangelical Feminism & Biblical Truth by Wayne Grudam. Book review to come later, perhaps. It took me almost all of 2009 to finish this thing!

season of advent

Tomorrow is the first day of Advent, and this will also be the first time my husband and I "celebrate" the advent season. I've found that the past few years that Christmas has come and gone with me barely giving a nod of acknowledgment as to the "reason for the season". With all the shopping and family functions and eating to be done, I've been missing out on the spiritual depth and beauty of this time of year.

So, we've bought an advent candle holder (had to order it off the internet...all the ones in the local Christian books stores were...well, ugly). My husband has baked some fresh bread and bought a bottle of wine so we can celebrate communion (is that naughty?). And I'm going to try to focus in and not get myself so distracted with the mad rush of the holidays.

the weight of prayer

I am not a prayer warrior.

I simply struggle too much with prayer. Lately, I feel like there are just so many prayer requests out there that I get bogged down just at the thought of them. The requests of the ladies at Bible study; the requests in the Sunday morning bulletin at church; the needs of my family, both immediate and extended; salvation for lost friends and coworkers; the list seems never ending. Not to mention confessing my own sins and praying for my own spiritual growth/needs.

Where do I start? How do I start?

I've gotten to where I feel like prayer weighs me down, not lifts me up.

And books on prayer only seem to add to the weight. How-to's, lists, acronyms to remember what to prayer and in what order. So much to do that there is no time to simply sit in His presence; to sit there and just rest in Him feels ineffective and unproductive...and selfish! I could be praying for so many people in the time I take to try to listen to Him. And when I do try to just sit and listen, all those request start pinging around in my mind, demanding my attention.

I like what Sister Wendy Beckett had to say about prayer: "There seems to be a universal certainty that there is some secret about prayer that can be taught. People feel sure that they would be prepared to go to a great deal of trouble and experience considerable difficulties if that was the way to uncover this mysterious "secret." But prayer is essentially simple." (From Sister Wendy on Prayer).

I want simple prayer. I need simple prayer. More than that, I need to remember that prayer is not about me...it's about communing with Him. It's about the sheer, amazing fact that I, an infinite, fallible human, can commune with a eternal, infallible God...and that He wants me to! That is the truly amazing part...not just fulfilling some perceived duty.

faith

"Faith is not burying our heads in the sand, or screwing ourselves up to believe what we know is not true, or even whistling in the dark to keep our spirits up. On the contrary, faith is a reasoning trust. There can be no believing without thinking." -- John R. W. Scott, from The Message of Romans

Came across this in my devotional reading tonight. Felt like I needed to share.

This evening I decided to "treat" myself. After all, I've had a fairly rough week, and I thought I deserved a little special treatment. So I ran me a nice hot bubble bath (three cap-fuls for extra bubbles) and settled in with Tozer's "The Knowledge of the Holy". I came across this:

"Many call themselves by the name of Christ, talk much about God, and pray to Him sometimes, but evidently do not know who He is."

My first reaction was: yeah, those people are stupid.

Then God gently reminded me that I'm one of "those people". Here I was, sitting in a tub of hot, sudsy water, thinking I deserve all the blessings in my life. While I had been thinking about how rough my day was, I was reminded about those who don't have warm water for a bath, much less clean water to drink. I have been blessed to born in this country, blessed to have a job, blessed to be able to afford scented bubble bath and nail polishes and all sorts of cosmetics that are luxuries to the majority of the world.

I realized how easy it is to lose sight of God and focus instead on what I think I've "earned". Not that I'm not to enjoy my blessings. God has been gracious enough to give me everything I need and then some. However, I need to remember to use those blessings to bless others and not to hoard them away. And that I didn't do anything to merit them, but I received them anyway. That's grace.

performance driven faith

My whole life seems driven by performance. Whether at work, with deadlines and production standards, or at home, with being "the good wife," or with friends, by trying to meet others needs, I feel like I'm in a constant state of doing and even the smallest glitch throws my carefully balanced life hopelessly out of control.

So I try to bargain with God. I try to do all the right things hoping He won't send any of those little glitches my way. And what's worse, when I do fail, I feel like God will send those mishaps to punish me for disappointing Him. I begin to anticipate that bad things will happen if I think I've failed Him.

But God is not a pagan god who can be wheedled into obeying my whims. He is not a God whom I have given form. And to let myself be mired down by these thoughts is to show contempt for his grace.

Oswald Chambers said, "The central point of the kingdom of Jesus Christ is a personal relationship with Him, not public usefulness to others." I do not receive grace based on my performance, but on His performance on the Cross. Thank God for that!

I feel like God has been sending me those little glitches lately to remind me that I can't do this on my own or through my own performance. They're keeping me unbalanced, incapable of relying on myself. They're reminding me to look at Him, not at what I am doing for Him.

what we know

"That our idea of God correspond as nearly as possible to the true being of God is of immense importance to us. Compared with our actual thought about Him, our creedal statements are of little consequence. Our real idea of God may lie buried under the rubbish of conventional religious notions and may require an intelligent and vigorous search before it is finally unearthed and exposed for what is is. Only after an ordeal of painful self-probing are we likely to discover what we actually believe about God."

A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy

How many of us are content with what we have learned about God from Sunday school? What would Christianity look like to the world if we were more passionate about knowing our God? Why do so many of us settle for what we already know about God instead of daring to go deeper?

praise or doctrine

My husband and I are notorious church-hoppers. Since moving to the area almost a year and half ago, we still don't have a church home. Today we once again checked out a new church. The hubby and I are more reformed in our theology (one of his friends has jokingly called my husband a "conservative hippie Calvinist"), so we've been checking out some of the local Presbyterian congregations, though we both belong to a Baptist church in our old hometown. We agree with most of the PCA's doctrinal statements, and I've loved the sermons at both of the Presbyterian churches that we recently visited (very deep and "meaty"). However, the worship style has been very solemn. I told my husband after church this morning that during worship, I felt like I was at a funeral. The songs were slow, mournful and accompanied by nothing but a piano. Yet, the churches that we've visiting that have more enthusiastic worship have also had a more light and fluffy style of preaching - feel-good, but no substance.

Why can't we get both? I want rockin' worship, the kind you can tap your foot to and even (gasp!) raise your hands to. But I also want a meatier sermon...something that I can mull over, ponder and chew on for the rest of the day, not just a superficial message about what a nice, loving God we have.

To make up for the worship this morning, I came home and put on the modern gospel station while I crocheted. I guess for now, that will have to do.

ready and waiting

The past month has found little time for me to update my blog (mostly because of my own laziness). I had accidentally deleted by blog roll, and am just now finding all the blogs I used to link. Other than a quick quote yesterday, this blog has mostly gone untouched. I've had little inspiration, but maybe I should wait to be "inspired" before I write/update. I want to update with deep, thoughtful posts, but sometimes the deepest thought in my head is how fast can I get into my PJs once I get home.

A whirl of spiritual and emotional ups and downs have left me feeling dizzy and drained. In the end, I feel like I'm still in the same spot as always...

1. Still searching for church home and the energy/drive to make regular attendance.

2. Still wading through Grudem's "Evangelical Feminism and Biblical Truth"....I think I've been reading it by bits and pieces for the past few months. While insightful and thought-provoking, and definitely a topic I feel like I need to study more, I feel that in the case of spiritual growth, the book has had very little to offer....but perhaps more on that later when I finally finish the thing!

3. I've been extremely naughty and avoided my women's Bible study for a month now. I love the people, and I love the teacher, but we're going through a "women of the Bible" study, and honestly, I would be happier with a good book study than the same old "how-can-I-be-a-better-woman" sort of thing.

But on the brighter side...

1. I'm doing Scripture memorization. No, really. As I lamented to my husband the other day, I've tried before and usually end up quitting after three weeks and can never again remember what I memorized (which he kindly pointed out meant I hadn't memorized it). But my aim is a little bigger this time. Not a verse here or there. I want to learn a large chunk of Scripture this time, and so far, I've been pretty good about for the past four to five weeks. I think it's the fact that I'm memorizing a large whole rather than just piece-meal verse that has kept me going...

2. I'm going to spend the next few months exclusively studying Romans. I'm trying to depart from my oh-so-generic devotions of reading through a book but getting no "meat" out of it. I'm ready to take it up a notch.

So that's sort of my personal "state of the union" for the moment.

"The highest of all missionary motives is neither obedience to the Great Commission (as importation as that is), nor love for sinners who are alienated and perishing (strong as that incentive is...), but rather zeal - burning and passionate zeal - for the glory of Jesus Christ."

John R. W. Stott, The Message of Romans

I'm going through an indepth study of Romans, and I just had to share that quote.

community and Christ

"Christianity means community through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ....We belong to one another only through and in Jesus Christ.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

My husband is taking a course called "Classics of Christian Literature". Naturally, the first thing I did was nose through the books he picked up for the class. I've started reading through Bonhoeffer's Life Together; really, I could probably quote the entire book. I loved The Cost of Discipleship, and it seems this one is just as challenging.

Though he's writing about the Christian brotherhood/community in particular, the idea of approaching others in and through Christ can really be applied to any other Christian we relate to. Which makes me think about how I interact with my husband. Do I approach him through the grace and mercy of Christ? Or do I handle our relationship through my own limited human means? I know more often than not, it's the latter.

So how do I approach everyone, not just the church or even fellow believers, in and through Christ? How will it change how I act and react to others?

waiting for autumn

This may sound odd, but I'm completely psyched about the approach of autumn. Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the explosion of colors as the leaves start to turn. The brisk air, the thick sweaters, the chunky yarn that is extra-popular during the fall months. Curling up with a blanket and thick socks, reading a good classic (right now I'm reading Stoker's Dracula because for some reason in my mind, I associate it with autumn). I even rushed to complete one of my crochet projects today so it would be ready for the cooler air (it's a super chunky wrap).

So I'm ignoring the fact that it's still reaching 90 degrees almost every day. I'm itching for the cooler weather. It's just something about that time of year that makes me feel closer to God. Maybe it's because I love the season so much that I feel closer to nature/creation, and therefore, God. Or I love big, bulky sweaters, and being more comfortable with myself helps me to be more comfortable in general.

Regardless of the reason, I'm looking forward to this next "season" in my life.

simple ministry

Ministry. The word sounds so “official”, evoking images of all of the customary ministries the average church-goer encounters: the pastor's duties, the children's ministry, youth group, etc. Or we think of men or women with websites or blogs that reach hundreds or thousands of readers each day, teaching and encouraging others in Christ.

But ministry isn't just for someone with a seminary degree. How do we expect the body of Christ to work when we expect the minority to do the work of the majority?

All of us are called to minister according to our spiritual gifts (see 1 Cor. 12). It doesn't have to be on a grand scale or impact hundreds at a time.

Some ideas for simple ministry:

* baking something tasty for a friend or family member that's sick or feeling a little down

* sending a quick "thinking of you" card to older relatives that you don't see often (I read a suggestion somewhere of carrying cards with you in your purse so that if you're stuck waiting in an office, you can whip them out and write a quick note)

* providing breakfast (muffins, bagels, orange juice) to your co-workers on a Monday morning

Christ calls us to do what we can, where we are. Ministry is a day by day, moment by moment thing. So what can God do through you today?

difference

Sometimes God will use the oddest things to get my attention. Recently, He used hip hop lyrics. My husband bought Lecrea's (a Christian rap/hip hop artist) CD, Rebel. Listening to it on the way home from the local Christian bookstore, one verse from the song "Go Hard" stabbed me deeply:

If you didn't know Christ would ya life look the same
Can they tell you value Jesus by the way you rep his name?

I couldn't help but wondering if my life would really look any different if I weren't a Christian. I've always been the "good girl", so I'm not sure how different my morals really would have been. What am I doing for the Lord that is beyond myself? Am I moving beyond myself towards Christ? Or am I content just living life as is, missing out on the "full" life that He intended for me (John 10:10).

So my prayer for this week is not to be content in where I am in relation to God. I want to move closer to Him, and I'm going to trust Him to pull me towards Himself.

the victim or the redeemed?

Forgiveness is not an easy thing for me. I like grudges. I like that puffy feeling of righteous-indignation that fills me up when I think about people who have wrong me. But God ruins that:

"For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions" Mathew 6:14-15

And there goes my pity party. Talk about ruining the mood...

When I was a teenager, I used to hate going to my father for advice. Not only was I going through that typical "I-know-everything" phase, but my father wasn't the best person to go to for sympathy. I would come home whining and complaining about how some friend had wronged me (ah, the drama of a sixteen year old!). My dad would sit back in his Laz-e-boy recliner and when I was done with my rant about how I was the most mis-used person in the world, he would turn the tables on me. "Well, what do you think you did to make her do that?"

And it crushed me. At the time, I felt like my father felt that the whatever the situation, it was my fault, when really, he was trying to get me to see the situation more clearly. Had I made some off-hand comment that had offended my friend without me realizing? Maybe I was the one acting like a poor friend. Or maybe I just needed to re-think my relationships in general, distancing myself from those who repeatedly tried to emotionally harm me.

It's taken me almost ten years to get what my father was trying to say. And it's taken the same amount of time to get what my Heavenly Father has been trying to say about forgiveness. Christ promised us freedom. By refusing to forgive, I'm refusing His freedom, and choosing to remain chained...even to my sins.

"Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering." Matthew 5:23-24

Being unforgiving can keep us from growing emotionally and spiritually. I've wasted many years by holding on to "rightful" grudges. I don't want to waste any more.

An interesting portrait of grace. How many of us live carrying around hate? How many us don't have to, but we won't put our hate down?

Year One

Maybe its not fair to "review" a movie I haven't even seen yet, or for that matter, one I'm not necessarily planning on viewing. But seeing an article on CNN.com about latest movie starring Jack Black, Year One, I couldn't resist.

The article on CNN concerns whether Year One, where two Stone Age cavemen that are exiled from their tribe "wander into the Bible", will cause the usual uproar amongst us religious sorts. Through the movie, the two main characters meet "biblical characters such as Cain, Abel, Abraham and Isaac" and visit such exotic locales such as Sodom.

I'm less concerned about people being offended at poking fun at the Bible; instead, I'm offended at the lack of research. They meet Cain, Abel, Abraham and Issac? Um....last time I checked, Cain and Abel did not co-exist with Abraham and Isaac... The movie was compared to Monty Python's Life with Brian, but at least they didn't confuse entire eras by meshing together people who lived generations apart. But maybe that's a plot point...or something. Or maybe it's just a poorly written comedy.

But I shouldn't be so harsh since I haven't seen the movie yet. Besides, I tend to like Jack Black and Harold Ramis, who directs this film. However, Year One is not high up on my to-see Summer Blockbuster list.

God bless America....

I was catching up on blog reading when I came across an article over on Think Christian entitled Keep Your Piece? which expounds on the well-meaning idea of a pastor to allow his congregation to bring in their firearms to church in preparation for July 4. As one commenter points out, since the Fourth isn't a religious holiday, its somewhat uncertain what the pastor is actually trying to accomplish.

I can't help but wonder why our faith is so bound up with being patriotic in this country. I went to Christian Book's website (where I do most of my book shopping) and typed in "America" in the search field. It came up with ten pages of books that have that key word.

I then went and found the Bible that I had seen advertised in Discipleship Journal a few weeks ago: The NKJV American Patriot's Bible. Here's what the product description says:

Never has a version of the Bible targeted the spiritual needs of those who love our country more than The American Patriot's Bible. This extremely unique Bible shows how the history of the United States connects the people and events of the Bible to our lives in a modern world. The story of the United States is wonderfully woven into the teachings of the Bible and includes a beautiful full-color family record section, memorable images from our nation's history and hundreds of enlightening articles which complement the New King James Version Bible text.

The spiritual needs of those who love our country? This goes a little beyond the whole argument of whether America was founded by good Christ-loving Christians or secular Deist (sorry, but it was the Deists -- I learned that from my Christ-loving history teachers/professors). Yes, now we're drifting into the realm of biblical interpretation. I'm just not sure what parts of the Bible you can "interweave" with American history. Yes, Paul says to pray for those in authority over us (see Titus 2:1-2) and Peter likewise says to submit to whatever human institution is in power over us (see 1 Peter 2:13-14). There is nothing wrong to be proud of our nation, to pray for our leaders, and to submit to them (I could go into a satisfying rant about those who refuse to do such things just because our current president is not a Republican, but that might just have to wait). And there have been periods of great spiritual revival in our country (i.e. The Great Awakening).

I do love my country, but I am a Christian first, then an American. Philippians 3:20 states "For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." It would be nice to hear that preached on July 5th.

GRITS

GRITS: Girl Raised in the South.

Yep, that's what I am, though I lack that charming Southern belle lilt to my voice (I have more of the Redneck drawl, which gets worse the more exhausted I am). And the South's claim to fame (other than being the Bible belt) is Southern hospitality.

Which I completely lack.

In fact, every time I take a spiritual gifts assessment, hospitality isn't even a blip on the radar. But God has definitely put some people in my life that exhibit this spiritual gift: and none of them are women.

Indeed, the two people that first come to mind when I think of the gift of hospitality are my husband and my father. They love to cook for others and the more people to cook for, the better. As I type this, my husband is smoking up the house cooking sausage for the baked ziti that he plans to serve on the family of six that will be our guests today (did I mention we live in a one-bedroom apartment?). My dad's typical get-together involves 25 to 30 extended relatives cramming into the little two bed-room house I grew up in. My dad will get up before dawn, regardless of the weather, to fire up the grill for the holiday barbeques. Likewise, my husband strolled in from work at 5:00 this morning and prepped everything for cooking, then got up just five hours later to fix us coffee, do devotions and start actually cooking the meal.

And neither one of them want praise. In my dad's case, he can cook for the extended family and he seldom gets a thank-you (and depending on which side of the family it is, he might not even get a compliment on how good the food is). Meanwhile, I, who usually hadn't even lifted a finger to help clean the house, grumbled and griped about people's lack of thanks. Whenever I would say something to my dad, he would just shrug it off and say he hoped everyone had enough to eat.

When I sit back and think about it, I think I lack the humility for true hospitality. To work so hard cleaning the house, cooking the food, and then the clean up afterward, and not to even want thanks for it all, that's something that I find hard to swallow. Hospitality takes a real servant's heart: someone who is not looking for praise or notice.

faith, works and all that jazz

Our ladies Bible study is set to tackle the book of James starting tomorrow. I've spent the past few weeks in my devotions reading and re-reading the letter in order to be ready to actually speak up in our weekly sessions (if my innate shyness doesn't paralyze me...).

I feel like all my current struggles pop up in the this letter: controlling the tongue, anger, favoritism, being double-minded. And then there's the biggie, the one James is so well-known for: the issue of faith without works.

It leaves me asking what do I do for the Lord? I have a degree in Christian studies/theology, but I have a desk job. I spend most of my day getting aggravated with the piles of work, the emails constantly popping up, and all the other pleasures of living in a cubicle eight hours a day (nine if you count the fact that I normally eat lunch at my desk). It's hard to think what can I do for Christ under the pressure of time lines and answering status requests. And when the pressure gets to much, I reduce myself to whining, grumbling and venting to anyone within earshot, hardly the picture of a quiet and gentle spirit.

But the busyness of life isn't an excuse. Jesus called, and Peter dropped his nets and followed. I wish I could have even half of that kind of faith.

Big government, small religion

On Friday, a Minnesota judge has ruled that a 13-year-old boy cannot opt out of chemotherapy for religious reasons, blaming his parents for "medical neglect" and threatening to remove the boy from their custody.

At first glance, I figured this was another case of Fundamentalists who decline health care in favor of trusting God to heal them. However, in this case, the parents are Catholic, but the son holds to a Native American based faith called Nemenhah Band, which relies on "alternative medicine" and herbal remedies.

This isn't a case of the parents forcing their own religious beliefs on their son, but of the child making decisions based on his own faith. So legally, how can the court state they are neglecting their son by allowing him to practice his own faith? In fact, I'm sure if it was a case of the parents trying to force their son to take chemotherapy against his faith beliefs (especially since he does not hold to Christian faith beliefs), that we would be seeing a different news story about a judge ruling against the parents for trying to coerce their child to act against his own beliefs.

I haven't studied the area of medical ethics other than the few class periods we went over such topics in Christian ethics and Biblical ethics. While I can't really argue what is "ethically" right in regards to the medical field in this case, I do have to say, does the legal system really have the right to force someone by court order to take medical therapy against their will? To me, it seems as if the judge is really saying "I don't care anything about your religious beliefs; I feel you ought to take chemotherapy, and therefore, you have to." Yes, this boy is young, and it's sad to see him refuse a treatment that gives him 90 percent chance of survival, but he has made his decision. And he has made his decision based on his own faith, not his parents.

I have to agree with the parent's attorney when he said "It (the ruling) really affirms the role that big government is better at making our decisions for us."

Of course, there are so many factors involved in this ruling, it's really hard to decide where one should stand. There seems to be such a push in today's culture to make religion a "private matter", but we don't even have that right if the government can enforce a court order telling us our religious decisions are wrong. Yes, the Nemenhah Band sounds shady at best (it's founder spent time in jail for fraud regarding his all natural remedies). But if it's a matter of the entire group being questionable, they need to crack down on all of them, just not this one boy.

People say keep the church out of the state; I say keep the state out of my church.

trials and tribulations

I just finished reading an excellent work of fiction: The Last Disciple. The novel was written as a sort of "counterpoint" to The Left Behind series. The authors interpret The Book of Revelation and other Old Testaments prophecies as pertaining directly to the first century church (what they call the "fore future" as the events happen shortly after John pens his letter on Patmos). The book takes the stance that the great tribulation warned of in John's Revelation was not a far future event, but directly related to the persecution of Christians under Nero. Setting Nero up as the Beast from Revelation, the authors paint a thrilling and shocking picture of life under Nero.

The eschatology of the novel has certainly gotten me thinking, but even more so, the descriptions of Christians suffering in the arenas and in other manners became more "food for thought" than the more directly theological aspects.

In John 16:33 Jesus states "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Jesus outright proclaims that we will have troubles in this world, yet so many of us act that as Christians, our lives out to be easy. In the spirit of The Prayer of Jabez, we see God as the great big Santa Claus in the sky that should give us what we "deserve". And when someone simply sneers at our faith, we see ourselves as persecuted.

And we forget that there are others sitting in jail, starving, being raped, tortured, all for their faith. Yet we think God is a God that ought to give us our comforts.

Reading books like The Last Disciple with accounts and depictions of persecution such as being covered in tar and set on fire to provide street lights in the evening....it makes me wonder how strong my faith would be in the face of real persecution. I fail so many times in just the day to day matters, the exasperations of life, that I wonder if I could stand up to something much worse. I can only pray that if that ever happens, I could be strong in my faith and not deny my Lord.

Life is short....

There are a lot of "modern proverbs" beginning with "life is short..." (so play hard). My two favorite are "life is short, eat dessert first" and "life is short, read fast". Words to live by....

But today I couldn't help thinking about how life really is very short, and then pondering what all I have accomplished in twenty-seven years. Sometimes I get so caught up in the humdrum of life, that I don't think much about what I'm doing from the eternal perspective of things. I find myself so wound up in the tedious rituals of my day that I don't even think about the eternal goal of glorifying God and knowing Him better.

I spent the weekend with my parents, and this morning my mother took me on a tour of her yard. My mother's garden is her crowning glory. Flowers are everywhere, spilling out of flower beds, and making excellent efforts to engulf the entire yard. Every spring, the yard explodes into color with flowers of every sort. I can only recognize a few flowers, but my mother can name every one, and usually tell you who gave her the plant (many coming from the yards of grandparents and other extended family members...some who are no longer with us).

Walking through the yard this morning, I realized how much I miss out. As a child, I took the beauty of the yard, and the hours my mom spent working in it, for granted. Now, as an adult, I spend most of my days in front of a computer, whether the eight hours I spend at work or for entertainment in the evenings and on weekends. I spend hours updating my life on Facebook and Twitter, but walking around in the gardens by the lake, I realized I was missing out on a lot. God has given us a beautiful and amazing array of diversity to enjoy, if we'll just take a moment to look out the window instead of the haze of the computer screen.

wanting our "oughts"

I can now add The Gospel According to Starbucks to my have-read pile. And like many other books I've read before, Leonard Sweet had a lot to say about what he thought was wrong with the church. And he's not the only one. Rather traditional or emergent, a lot of people aren't content with the state of the church today. And everyone seems to have a pretty ardent opinion with what's wrong with the church.

But they all seems to be missing one point: the church is not a building or an institution; it's the body of Christ. You can go on and on about what the church is doing wrong and how it needs to change, but until the individuals that make up the body of Christ change, you're wasting your breath.

Also, the church will never be perfect and fit the needs of ever member of the congregation. One thing I've noticed in reading these different books is that everyone has their own idea of what would make the church better, and much like children, they are going to pout and fuss until it pleases them (or straight out leave the church). But a part of being an adult is realizing that things can't always go your way and compromising.

I'm not saying that there isn't a lot about church that does need to change...but it starts in the hearts of the congregation, not in matters of doctrine versus experiential lifestyles. But going to church and expecting it to meet every one of our expectations for what church "ought to be" is ridiculous. And unreasonable when you think of trying to cater to the individual needs of an entire congregation.

The Gospel According to Starbucks failed to inspire me to adopt Sweet's vision of the church. He gave a lot of his opinion, but very little application. It also didn't help that I'm not a fan of Starbucks (though I did visit a Starbucks in downtown Kyoto...they had a very tasty chicken salad sandwich). Still, I'm not sure if a coffeehouse franchise is an appropriate example for what the church ought to be.

insights

My husband and I had an amazing time in Kyoto, Japan this past week. The trip really opened our eyes to the possibilities of mission work. Stefan has always been interested in missions since I've known him. I've always told myself and others that I supported his decision for our family to possibly engage in full time missions work, but I've always held back a part of my heart, secretly hoping that it just wouldn't happen. After all, I would have to leave my comfort zone of the area I grew up in and my family behind...a very daunting idea. But I really loved Kyoto. And not only that, but God revealed His heart to me about the Japanese people. The shrines and temples that dotted the city were so beautiful and serene, but it was also saddening to watch the people with their rituals. They work hard to please the fates/gods by trying to follow the right steps and the right motions. It reminded me of just how much freedom I have in Christ.

on reading "The Gospel According to Starbucks"

So I picked up The Gospel According to Starbucks today. It had been sitting in a stack of to-read books that my husband and I keep piled high in the bedroom. One of my husband's friends let him borrow it, but I'm getting around to reading it first.

So far, I've only read the first chapter. And I'm trying to keep an open, unbiased mind. Which is hard, since I'm not particularly a fan of Starbucks. In fact, I've only actually been in a Starbucks once, and that only because I had a gift certificate. I prefer to sit at my table at home and sip on fresh brewed coffee with plenty of sugar and milk; if I do go out for coffee, I actually like the coffee served at Booksamillion. Hopefully I won't get stoned for saying that.

I noticed that Sweet quoted Jesus as saying "The children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light." Not remembering having read that before, I checked his end note and found he was citing Luke 16:8 from the KJV. I'm trying to develop the habit that no matter what I read, that I always "double check" the author when they say they are quoting Scripture...by going to the *gasp!* the Bible itself. Since I don't actually own a KJV Bible, I looked up the verse on Blueletterbible.org, and indeed, Luke 16:8 does say "The children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light"....in the second half of the verse. Sweet ignores the very crucial "for" placed right before that sentence. The "for" is actually the transition word from the parable that Jesus was teaching...which happens to be titled "The Unrighteous Steward".

And he said also unto his disciples, There was a certain rich man, which had a steward; and the same was accused unto him that he had wasted his goods. And he called him, and said unto him, How is it that I hear this of thee? give an account of thy stewardship; for thou mayest be no longer steward. Then the steward said within himself, What shall I do? for my lord taketh away from me the stewardship: I cannot dig; to beg I am ashamed. I am resolved what to do, that, when I am put out of the stewardship, they may receive me into their houses. So he called every one of his lord's debtors [unto him], and said unto the first, How much owest thou unto my lord? And he said, An hundred measures of oil. And he said unto him, Take thy bill, and sit down quickly, and write fifty. Then said he to another, And how much owest thou? And he said, An hundred measures of wheat. And he said unto him, Take thy bill, and write fourscore. And the lord commended the unjust steward, because he had done wisely: for the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light. Luke 16:1-9

Considering that Sweet was using the phrase to justify that the church needs to learn from the world (since the world is wiser than the church according to this verse), I'm not sure if this is the best verse to pick, at least not if you are going to read the rest of the Scriptures surrounding the text and not just pick the text up out of its context and make an application. After all, "we do not create meaning out of text; rather, we seek to find the meaning that is already there" (Duvall and Hays, Grasping God's Word).

Sweet also seems to be taking the position of "doctrine is bad for us" which is becoming more and more common, particularly in the emergent church. He states that "Intellectual arguments over doctrine and theology are fine for divinity school, but they lose impact at the level of daily life experience." However, Wendy Horger Alsup's book Practical Theology for Women is all about how doctrine and theology ought to affect our daily lives. She writes "So we study theology that we may know God and be enlightened to the benefits of our relationship with him." Furthermore, this concept of "doctrine is evil/bad" is almost becoming a doctrine itself. A doctrine is "a particular principle, position, or policy taught or advocated, as of a religion or government" and "something that is taught; teachings collectively" (dictionary.com). And many people, particularly those involved with the emergent church, are regularly teaching/asserting that doctrine has become almost the bane of our faith. However, by teaching this idea and being in agreement, it sort of becomes a doctrine in and of itself, and even more so, a doctrine that is common to the emergent church. But I may be only be making a generalization; after all, I have read very few emergent books/literature, though I do plan on reading more.

Still, this is, after all, only chapter one, and maybe it's a little too early to jump on the guy regarding his hermeneutics (a fancy word for the study/interpretation/application of the Bible). And it's also a bit of a jump to affirmatively assert what he is trying assert (in regards to any particular doctrine); I have no idea what direction he is going to take in the rest of the book. However, The Gospel According to Starbucks has gotten me started thinking...and that's always a good thing.

blank

The cares of this world have really been dragging me down the past few weeks. Between the car accident, the trip, stresses at work, the never ending clutter at home, I almost feel like I can't breathe. On top of all of it, church feels like just another chore, another thing on my impossibly long to-do list to mark off. I managed to drag myself there last Sunday morning, but I left feeling so tired that my husband actually commented on how ragged I looked. Not that I didn't enjoy the sermon or the worship, it just left me feeling drained.

I feel out of balance. I've been missing my devotions, eating too much, exercising too little, and over all doing nothing productive. And I carry so much of my self-worth in my productivity. I feel like I have to be doing something all of the time or that I'm a waste.

I know this isn't biblical. But if I have a hard time believing my husband when he tells me how beautiful/wonderful I am, how can I possibly believe the infinite Creator of the universe? I carry this little seed of doubt in me. I can apply the verse "you were fearfully and wonderfully made" to other people, but not to myself. It's like in my mind I'm the one exception to that rule, so I have to make up for it somehow.

Ultimately, that's just plain egotistical of me, to think I'm somehow "other" that I fall outside of God's grace. I say I rely on His grace, but then I scramble to prove myself: to God, my husband, my parents, my co-workers, my friends. When all the time God tells me I have nothing to prove.

Now I just have to work on truly believing that.

I wanted to post the link to the joint travel blog I'm sharing with my husband: The Genki Gaijin Chronicles. Genki gaijin roughly translates to "over-enthusiastic/extremely happy foreigner" in Japanese. The travel blog will cover our trip to Kyoto, Japan. The description of our hotel states that there is high-speed internet access in public areas. Hopefully we'll be able to update once a day, most likely at night, which will be mid-morning here.

Anyway, prayers for safe travel are much appreciated.

Movie Review: Expelled

My husband and I settled down on the couch last night to watch Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed by Ben Stein. It wasn't a typical documentary. There is plenty of Ben Stein's classic dry wit to keep you chuckling while he discusses a somewhat alarming topic: the fact that the scientific community is determined to ban the theory of intelligent design. Intelligent design is not the same as creationism. Creationism leans wholly on the creation story as it is depicted in Genesis. Intelligent design is a theory that states that biology as we understand it today, with all of its complexities, seems to point to an intelligent designer. Most scientist who support the intelligent design theory do so because they believe Darwinism, the concept of macro-evolution (that all life forms evolved from a single cell organism), cannot sufficiently explain the complexities of life on earth. Further more, there is a sufficient lack of evidence for macro-evolution, which some see as cause to doubt Darwinism.

Expelled is not an attempt to prove intelligent design (ID). Instead, it attempts to present the evidence that the scientific community is blackballing any member who holds to the intelligent design theory, dismissing them as dangerous "religious nuts" and idiots, despite the fact that these scientists hold several degrees from some of the most prestigious universities in the world and were considered the top in their fields until they began to support the intelligent design theory. And Expelled, in my opinion, achieves this goal. Through interviews with individuals who have been attacked for their beliefs (including non-religious people who have reported on or supported ID), the evidence is clear that this hostility is really taking place. Mr. Stein also calls into evidence several documents from universities showing a clear bias against staff that holds to ID.

The thing that amazed me the most, as a believer, is some of the theories that Darwinists do hold to. First of all, none of the Darwinists that Mr. Stein interviewed could answer the question "how did life start?" They repeatedly answered "I don't know." However, even though they don't know how life started, how the essential building blocks of life just happened to end up on this third rock from the sun, they do seem to know how it evolved. One scientists explained it in the form of crystals. The basic building blocks of life (elements) were attached to these crystals, and as the crystals formed, it forced the elements to meld together, which eventually led to a single celled organism. Richard Dawkins, who wrote The God Delusion, stated that it could be that another civilization evolved on a distant planet, and through their scientific genius, they came and "seeded" our planet with the first single cell organism, then left to let us evolve on our merry way. The man who claims that anyone who believes in a god of any sort is delusional and of sub-average intelligence also believes we most likely resulted from an alien experiment. Right.

Overall, I enjoyed Expelled. I'm sure many atheists and Darwinists would scream that it's biased and pure idiocy. However, Mr. Stein took time to interview both sides of the argument. And while he did not attempt to completely disprove Darwinism, he did bring to light many of the problems with the theory. Ultimately, his goal was not to support either side of the argument, but to support freedom of speech. I would recommend it for anyone who wants to know more about ID v. Darwinism from a fair perspective.

excessive absences

So far, there have been six Sundays this year. I have attended church exactly twice since January 1 (and no, today wasn't one of those days).

I can't seem to make myself want to go. Every Sunday morning I wake up, crawl a little deeper under the covers and think, "no, I don't want to go today". It doesn't help that the rest of my week feels like one whirlwind event after another leaving me drained and exhausted my the weekend. Then church becomes one more thing to check off on my to-do list rather than a place for spiritual feeding and fellowship. And it doesn't make it any easier that my husband works 9 pm to 5 am on Saturday nights, making his struggle to make it up in time for worship service actually valid.

And it's not just the church that we are attending; I've struggled with this ever since college. I had a bad "experience" in high school with the church and its youth group that I had started attending after I was saved. I was never really welcomed there, just tolerated, and when my boyfriend (who was the golden boy of the church) broke things off with me, no one really understood why I didn't make myself scarce. And after facing that attitude, I did make myself very scarce...and stumbled down a road I wish I never would have. I had such a strong faith back in high school and a earnest passion for church, both of which quickly died after I left off for college, despite the fact that I was attending a Christian college and working on my BA in Christian studies.

I miss my "first love." I want to feel involved and accepted into a fellowship again, but I'm scared that it will be conditional like it was last time. All of this has been over ten years ago, and there are still times when I'm filled up with bitterness at the thought of those I imagine as having wronged me. And I have to fight the desire to go to a church where I'm just another face in the crowd. I'm deadlocked and Christ can't possibly want this for me. I've been praying to be able to forgive those people for about five years now, but do I really want to forgive them? Or has all this unhappiness and anger become a safety blanket for me, cushioning me from getting too close to another group of believers "just in case" I might get hurt again.

Joan C. Webb writes in The Relief of Imperfection

Some things we will never understand, like why God chooses to partner with imperfect, limited human beings; who God calls to lead; why some spiritual leaders abuse and hurt others; how people can study and memorize Scripture and then disrespect God's children. It doesn't make sense to us. It's not how it's supposed to be. Yet we heighten our pain when we silently insist that other Christians (especially our leaders) must be perfect, doing things just the way we believe they should. And we increase our stress when we insist that just because we long to, we should serve others flawlessly.

I expected those who had hurt me, who were spiritual leaders, to behave perfectly. But in the end, they were human, and they were humans who happened not to like me very much. And for a girl who has strived since elementary school to be likable, it was a hard blow to take. But how long can I let all of this stop me from moving forward, from growing deeper in my relationship with Christ? In the end, I'm only the victim if I let myself be.

Goodbye Global Gag Rule

On Day 3 President Obama has reversed the "Mexico City policy" (a/k/a the Global Gag Rule) which states that federal money cannot be given to international organizations that promote/perform abortions. Honestly, I'm surprised that he waited so long, especially with yesterday being the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the court case that legalized abortion. Obama clearly stated during his campaign that he was pro-choice; yet most Christians seem to have reacted with surprise and rage. The ban has been reversed and brought back repeatedly since it's inception during the Reagan administration. Republicans reinstate the ban; Democrats reverse it. It's like the ebb and flow of the tide....and just as predictable.

In fact, it seems that so far all President Obama has done is reverse orders from the Bush administration. He hasn't seemed to have tackled any of his own projects. Or maybe those were lost in the shuffle of all of his controversial reversals.

Though I haven't agreed with most of his moves so far, I have to admire his gusto for his new job. Even though I will say that so far the "change" we were promised is just a change back to a prior state (no Guintanimo, funding for pro-abortion agencies, etc). I still hope he will bring about new change; our country really needs a solid president right now.

the 44th

Today, for the first time, I actually watched a presidential inauguration. Though I did not vote for our new president, and I do not agree with almost all of his social policies, I couldn't help feeling extremely proud of our country as I watched our first African American president be sworn in. President Obama's speech was stirring; now it is time for him to prove to this country he means business. I can only hope that it was not just a politician's pretty words, but a man's dream.

Not so inspiring was Dr. Rick Warren's invocation. I was expecting something more powerful, but he seemed to ramble. I've never read any of his books, but since he is so vastly popular in Christian circles, I thought he would be an exceptional orator. Not that I'm necessarily trying to criticize. It just wasn't what I was expecting from America's top Christian leader (as I heard him referred as a few weeks ago).

But for now, I can only continue to prayer for continued wisdom and protection for our President. We've been told its time for a change. Let's see what this change brings...

search for a new look

I was tired of Blogger's generic templates, so I went hunting on the internet for a new one. I tried one out, but didn't like it at all. Still searching for something that's not too teen-y or complex.

i am not....

For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot would say, "Because I'm not the hand, I'm not part of the body," it is not therefore not part of the body. If the ear would say, "Because I'm not the eye, I'm not part of the body," it's not therefore not part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the smelling be? But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body, just as he desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now they are many members, but one body.
1 Corinthians 12: 14-19

How many times have I justified my lukewarm involvement in church by saying "I am not...."? I'm not good at witnessing. I'm not like other people in my Sunday school class (no kids). I'm not into Beth Moore Bible studies. I'm not constantly happy. I'm not a prayer warrior.

But what I really am doing when I say "I'm not" is judging those who are. I disdain the super-cheerful, khaki-clad, soccer mom, Beth Moore guru not because that woman is inherently superficial or hypocritical, but because that's the image of perfection that I've gotten out of life/church/Christian media.

And it's not the other woman that needs to change. It's me.

Wendy Alsup writes in Practical Theology for Woman, "Many believers claim to love Christ and abide in him, yet they attempt to separate their relationship with him from their relationship with his body, the church."

I've always heard that there was no such thing as a Lone Ranger Christian, but nothing has quite put that idea into perspective as what Alsup wrote. She continues with "We cannot serve the head (Christ) and ignore the rest of his body (the church)." As a member of the church, the body of Christ, I am initimately interwoven with all my fellow believers that I judge and despise for being nothing more than simply who they are. When a part of the human body rejects a part of itself, cancer or other autoimmune diseases are the results. The body literally begins to self destruct. How is it any different with the body of Christ?

Ultimately, I've let my own self-esteem issues color my thoughts and attitudes concerning fellow Christians. I've held myself up to assumed standards and let my own ego try to soothe my feelings of inadequency. I've been too proud to listen to Christ's opinion of me: that I am a person of worth. Instead, I've tried to create my own worth, even if it meant tearing down others (even if it wasn't spoken, I still mentally tore apart others).

It's time I stopped focusing on what I'm not and focus on what I am in Christ.

pondering Lent

It's hard to believe that Ash Wednesday is next month, which means the super-awesome vacation the hubby and I have planned out for the past year falls smack in the middle of Lent. My husband and I are they quirky little Southern Baptists that attend a United Methodist church and participate in Lent every year. But what can I give up when I go on my first over-seas trip of my life? My first thought was caffeine, but I'll need that for the 23+ hour flight. Next I thought I would give up my "reading habit" again this year, but I already have my copy of Anna Karena ready for the flight. Then today I thought maybe I could give up sweets, but we had planned on hitting up several confectioneries to sample foreign sweets.

But does Lent necessarily have to be about taking something away? More often than not, people give up something for Lent, but don't replace it with anything else: prayer, deeper Bible study, etc. I try to keep Lent fresh and real and keep it from becoming an empty ritual. This is a little bit easier since its not "required" for me as a Baptist. However, maybe it was just a little empty last year. Sure, I follow through with what I give up, but I don't necessarily focus on Christ and His work instead. It's just a minor blip on my radar, when the whole point of fasting at Lent is to re-focus the heart inward towards the spiritual realm.

Maybe its time for me to actually fast. I usually make sad little excuses for not fasting...I tend to be abominably cranky with lack of food, so I always say its better for me to not fast than to go without food and make life miserable for those around me (which is usually my husband). But if it wasn't hard, I suppose fasting wouldn't be a spiritual discipline.

Hm...now I have even more to ponder.

personhood

I just finished watching a news clip about a baby's corpse that was accidentally thrown out with the hospital trash (how you could accidentally throw out a corpse of any kind is beyond me). Worse yet, the clip stated that the hospital is maintaining that the baby was still born; this fact would be relevant in case of a law suit as New Jersey law (the state where this happened) does not consider stillborn infants to be a "person". And this would somehow make it okay that the non-person corpse was improperly disposed?

So what makes a person a person?

a Christian work ethic

The past few weeks I've been putting a good deal of time at the office. I wake up thinking about my ever growing to do list for that day at the office, and even when I get home, I can't help but think of all the irksome, troubling, tiring events that took place that day. Reading A Practical Theology for Women has made me ponder how exactly my faith in Christ should effect my work ethic. I googled "Christian work ethic" not expecting to find much, but instead I found a good deal of articles on the topic, most packed full of Scripture references that have very little to do with work or even ethics in general.

The website allaboutgod.com had several articles on a Christian work ethic. According to one entry,

"Ethics are a collection of values and behaviors people consider moral. Therefore, positive work ethics are the collection of all the values and actions that people feel are appropriate in the work place. A Christian work ethic is one in which work is viewed as a virtuous duty that has been mandated by God both before and after the fall of man. Idleness is viewed as a vice. Because we live in a fallen, sinful world, there will be times that work will involve a degree of strict self-denial. Workers should also receive satisfaction and maintain a spirit of joy. A Christian work ethic requires a commitment to excellence in the task."

There is nothing wrong with this statement. It makes perfect sense. But is it biblical?

The article lists several Scriptures that the author(s) apparently believe backs up the above statement.

Genesis 1:27-30, 2:15-20 - Here the sense of work ethic is derived from God's commission on Adam to name the animals and to cultivate the Garden of Eden. Obviously, God expected Adam to work.

However, I'm surprised the author did not cite Genesis 3:14, where God curses the land and tells Adam that now he will have to toil to live. Personally, I relate my work environment as toil rather than a happy day cultivating a perfect garden (but that might just be the cynic in me).

Exodus 20:8-9 - The article simply references the fourth commandment that states we are to work six days. No implications are made as to how this Scripture affects our work ethic. So to be good Christians, we are to work six days a week?

Leviticus 25:3, 18 - The author cites the levitical code for vineyards, crops, etc. as a reflection of a work ethic, but fails to explain how the code should be applied to our modern day work habits.

Maybe I'm uncreative, but I don't see the connection between tending a vineyard and my job in a 21st century office (other than both require lots of work).

Proverbs 6:6-11 - Warnings against sluggards.

This Scripture actually does tie into the idea of idleness being a vice. However, I noticed that most articles pick one specific proverb as their Scriptural evidence for a work ethic. I think it's shortsighted to pick only one verse out of this book when so much of Proverbs is applicable to the topic. In fact, I would think most of one's Scriptural basis for a work ethic would come from Proverbs, but sadly, it does not seems to be the case in most of the articles I read.

Ecclesiastes 9:10 - The author states that this verse "instructs us to work at whatever our hands find to do".

This statement ignores the second half of the verse which explains why we are to work with all our might: for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom (NIV). The author is applying an idea from a half-finished statement.

Luke 19:11-27 - The parable of the Ten Minas. The article states "Don't miss the part where the man did not put his mina to work. His master took it away and gave it to the man who invested his saying; "everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away."

Maybe it's just me, but I've always taken this parable to reflect spiritual work, not physical work. The minas represented talents/spiritual gifts given by God. Those who did not use their gifts to advance the Kingdom of God would find that what they had would be taken away. Personally, I would never attempt to apply these verse to a work ethic. That simply does not seem to be what Christ is discussing here.

So what is my ultimate conclusion? I don't have one yet. I think I'm too tired from work to come up with one. Besides, it takes me than one article to formulate a decent opinion.