i am not....

For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot would say, "Because I'm not the hand, I'm not part of the body," it is not therefore not part of the body. If the ear would say, "Because I'm not the eye, I'm not part of the body," it's not therefore not part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the smelling be? But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body, just as he desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now they are many members, but one body.
1 Corinthians 12: 14-19

How many times have I justified my lukewarm involvement in church by saying "I am not...."? I'm not good at witnessing. I'm not like other people in my Sunday school class (no kids). I'm not into Beth Moore Bible studies. I'm not constantly happy. I'm not a prayer warrior.

But what I really am doing when I say "I'm not" is judging those who are. I disdain the super-cheerful, khaki-clad, soccer mom, Beth Moore guru not because that woman is inherently superficial or hypocritical, but because that's the image of perfection that I've gotten out of life/church/Christian media.

And it's not the other woman that needs to change. It's me.

Wendy Alsup writes in Practical Theology for Woman, "Many believers claim to love Christ and abide in him, yet they attempt to separate their relationship with him from their relationship with his body, the church."

I've always heard that there was no such thing as a Lone Ranger Christian, but nothing has quite put that idea into perspective as what Alsup wrote. She continues with "We cannot serve the head (Christ) and ignore the rest of his body (the church)." As a member of the church, the body of Christ, I am initimately interwoven with all my fellow believers that I judge and despise for being nothing more than simply who they are. When a part of the human body rejects a part of itself, cancer or other autoimmune diseases are the results. The body literally begins to self destruct. How is it any different with the body of Christ?

Ultimately, I've let my own self-esteem issues color my thoughts and attitudes concerning fellow Christians. I've held myself up to assumed standards and let my own ego try to soothe my feelings of inadequency. I've been too proud to listen to Christ's opinion of me: that I am a person of worth. Instead, I've tried to create my own worth, even if it meant tearing down others (even if it wasn't spoken, I still mentally tore apart others).

It's time I stopped focusing on what I'm not and focus on what I am in Christ.