Quiet time. That thing all "good Christians" do. Something I've been neglecting for about a month now.
I'm amused that wikipedia.com actually has an entry for quiet time. It cited several criticisms for quiet time, including a link to Freedom from Quiet Time Guilt, an article that I only briefly scanned over. In the article, Greg Johnson discusses how the idea of quiet time as a "must do" is a form of legalism, and not backed up by the Bible. Catherine Martin apparently disagrees: you can go to her website at quiettime.org and check out her books on the subject and even buy her Quiet Time Notebook.
So, do I think the concept of a quiet time is a good or a bad thing? Neither really. Though I can relate a lot more to the "Freedom from Quiet Time Guilt" article than I can relate to Catherine's blogpost pondering her quiet time for the upcoming year.
Still, whether or not the quiet time is just a legalistic twentieth century invention, I still feel "off" when I'm not reading in the Bible every day. But I want something a little deeper than a preset time where I say the same prayer and read through x amount of pages of Scripture. I want a deep study time, but I honestly have to admit I lack the discipline. I haven't really studied anything since I graduated from college 4+ years ago, and that's sad considering I graduated with a degree in Christian studies...a field that I feel definitely calls for further study. In that regard, I fail the standard that I hold my husband and almost every other seminary student up to: to be a dedicated student of the Word and to constantly dive deeper in understanding of theology, apologetics, etc. Indeed, I've sneered at the lazy attitude of some of the theology students I've encountered while I've grown slack in just my quiet time, not to mention any deeper study.
I guess God is calling me out on my snarky attitude.
All outside links do not necessarily reflect my own opinions, but are provided for those who are interested in viewing for themselves articles/websites I have made a reference to in this post.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
True Woman Manifesto
Lately I've spent a lot of time online, browsing through websites and blogs. I've stumbled across a new website : truewoman.com. This is a movement born from Nancy Lee DeMoss' team that worked on Revive our Hearts. The site encourages you to read their True Woman Manifesto, join the thirty day "True Woman Make-over" and then to help them spread their message by inviting other women in your life to join the movement. The website even has desktop wallpaper to download (I guess to show your support of the movement?)
I was reading over the manifesto and came to a few parts that made me twinge:
I admit, I've struggled for a long time with the idea of submission to my husband. This struggle started long before I was married...before I had even met my husband. I remember sitting in a dorm room as a freshman, doing the ever so popular single girls Bible study, when we hit that famous Ephesians passage about wives submitting to their husbands. I felt such anger that I wanted to get up and walk out as the study leader extolled the virtues of submission to a group of girls who didn't even have a date for Friday night.
I could probably write a whole book of the journey God and I went on as He worked through all of my resentment against this idea of submission. I was lucky that He gave me such a great guy that it's usually easy to submit to my husband's authority (a good 95% of the time at least). It's just right now, our roles our switched.
My husband is going full time to school and works part-time on the weekends. I'm the bread winner of the family, working full time during the week. My paycheck pays the bills; my husband's paycheck keeps us out of the red. Because my husband gets home earlier than me and because he just enjoys it, he cooks most of our meals. During holidays, he takes up some of the "slack" for being home all week by cleaning house and tidying in general. I'm in charge of the money: balancing the checkbook, getting the bills paid, making sure we've tithed. After a long day at work, I can trust coming home to a reasonably clean house (my husband still loves "shortcuts" when it comes to cleaning), and my husband is usually in the kitchen getting dinner ready.
And this works for us.
It's true, sometimes when the stress is really bad at work I throw a temper tantrum about how easy he has it and he couldn't possibly understand what I go through every day. And there are times that he struggles with not being the provider for the family, feeling as if he fails to measure up to some hidden standard that I might be holding him to. But this is how it has to be for right now. God has a calling for us, and as of this moment that calling involves my husband finishing up school.
Sometimes reading things like the True Woman Manifesto makes my heart sink a little because my marriage isn't the traditional marriage. My husband has already met with some disapproval from the family over him not being the bread winner in our little family. And I always get some interesting looks from co-workers when I explain that my husband is a full-time student and a househusband. But I don't think God looks down on our marriage because we don't fit nicely into the traditional roles of marriage. If anything, I've definitely seen God protect our marriage this past year as we went through some pretty rough spots together. God has grown us closer together despite the roles we play in our family.
I'm still caught on whether or not I'm ready to sign my name on the dotted line for the Manifesto and join the True Woman movement. I agree with most of the other points that they make. I want to say its not because I still struggle with submission, but maybe it is. It might be interesting to sign up for the thirty day "make over" and see what comes of it. But why do I need to sign onto a movement to prove that I'm a True Woman to God anyway?
I was reading over the manifesto and came to a few parts that made me twinge:
We are called as women to affirm and encourage men as they seek to express godly masculinity, and to honor and support God-ordained male leadership in the home and in the church. (Mark 9:35; 10:42–45; Gen. 2:18; 1 Pet. 5:1–4; 1 Cor. 14:34; 1 Tim. 2:12–3:7)
When we respond humbly to male leadership in our homes and churches, we demonstrate a noble submission to authority that reflects Christ’s submission to God His Father. (Eph. 5:22–33; 1 Cor. 11:3)
I admit, I've struggled for a long time with the idea of submission to my husband. This struggle started long before I was married...before I had even met my husband. I remember sitting in a dorm room as a freshman, doing the ever so popular single girls Bible study, when we hit that famous Ephesians passage about wives submitting to their husbands. I felt such anger that I wanted to get up and walk out as the study leader extolled the virtues of submission to a group of girls who didn't even have a date for Friday night.
I could probably write a whole book of the journey God and I went on as He worked through all of my resentment against this idea of submission. I was lucky that He gave me such a great guy that it's usually easy to submit to my husband's authority (a good 95% of the time at least). It's just right now, our roles our switched.
My husband is going full time to school and works part-time on the weekends. I'm the bread winner of the family, working full time during the week. My paycheck pays the bills; my husband's paycheck keeps us out of the red. Because my husband gets home earlier than me and because he just enjoys it, he cooks most of our meals. During holidays, he takes up some of the "slack" for being home all week by cleaning house and tidying in general. I'm in charge of the money: balancing the checkbook, getting the bills paid, making sure we've tithed. After a long day at work, I can trust coming home to a reasonably clean house (my husband still loves "shortcuts" when it comes to cleaning), and my husband is usually in the kitchen getting dinner ready.
And this works for us.
It's true, sometimes when the stress is really bad at work I throw a temper tantrum about how easy he has it and he couldn't possibly understand what I go through every day. And there are times that he struggles with not being the provider for the family, feeling as if he fails to measure up to some hidden standard that I might be holding him to. But this is how it has to be for right now. God has a calling for us, and as of this moment that calling involves my husband finishing up school.
Sometimes reading things like the True Woman Manifesto makes my heart sink a little because my marriage isn't the traditional marriage. My husband has already met with some disapproval from the family over him not being the bread winner in our little family. And I always get some interesting looks from co-workers when I explain that my husband is a full-time student and a househusband. But I don't think God looks down on our marriage because we don't fit nicely into the traditional roles of marriage. If anything, I've definitely seen God protect our marriage this past year as we went through some pretty rough spots together. God has grown us closer together despite the roles we play in our family.
I'm still caught on whether or not I'm ready to sign my name on the dotted line for the Manifesto and join the True Woman movement. I agree with most of the other points that they make. I want to say its not because I still struggle with submission, but maybe it is. It might be interesting to sign up for the thirty day "make over" and see what comes of it. But why do I need to sign onto a movement to prove that I'm a True Woman to God anyway?
Book Review: Arena
I was extremely skeptical when I picked up a copy of "Arena" by Karen Hancock at my workplace's "library" (we have a shelf dedicated to book exchange on one of our floors). The inside blurb did not impress me much; in fact, in made me shudder. A sci fi allegory for the Christian faith? Pilgrim's Progress...only with aliens?
Let me give you a quick synopsis of the book. Our main protagonist, Callie, is stuck in an fulfilling life, plagued by deep fears that manifest in the form of acrophobia. Pressed on money, she's talked into signing up for a psychology study on decision making. The study is really a front for an alien operation. She's taken to an alien world called the "Arena" and told she has to follow the manual to find the True Benefactor, the only one who can help her get out of the Arena alive. Here, she is helped by the good aliens, the Aggillon, and hindered by the bad aliens, the Tohvani. They were all one race before one of the Tohvani, Prince Celphalus, had led a rebellion against the Aggillon king, Elhanu (yes, exactly like the fall of Satan). Through all this, Callie comes to faith in Elhanu, trusting him to deliver her back home to Earth.
Over all, the book is a great action-packed sci-fi thriller. The characters are extremely believable with their flaws and floundering faith. And since this is an allegory, some of the things addressed in the novel might not be a direct reflection of a particular theology as just a mechanism for good story telling (as in the case that the participants have to pass through three different gates in order to be "delivered" back home to earth. The gates are symbolic of rebirth, but I'm not quite sure if there author believes that believer must go through several rebirths, or what...to me it seems that she's just drawing out the action a bit). However, I do have a few bones to pick with the plot.
First of all is the involvement of the humans. After Celphulus' unsuccessful rebellion against Elhanu, where the rebellion Aggillons were stripped of their positions and punished, Celphulus demands a retrial of sorts, claiming that Elhanu proves his is unloving and unforgiving by punishing their rebellion. To prove his characteristics of love and forgiveness, Elhanu creates the Arena, and then begins to bring humans from Earth in order to go through a contest of sorts. If the humans follow the manual (representing the Scriptures) and trust in Elhanu, he will lead them safely through the Arena and back to Earth, proving that he keeps his promises. However, he never forces the humans to trust in him, always leaving it up to their own volition whether to follow him or to believe the lies of the Tohvani (the fallen angels) who have corrupted the Arena and are actively working to distract the humans away from following Elhanu.
Supposedly, Elhanu not forcing his will on the humans is his ultimate act of loving compassion. This is clearly representative of the author's view of the importance of human's free will (at least, I can only assume by the novel that she holds human free will as near sacred). However, what I don't understand and what doesn't seem to compare to any sort of theology is the fact that Elhanu is taking humans from a completely different world and setting them up in a test to see if they will follow him. Of course, this is a work of fiction, and this aspect seems more fictional than allegorical. Still, it just seems odd to me.
Another facet that did not appeal to me was the way in which Elhanu provided for the participants that followed him. There are places in the Arena called Safehavens. These are predesignated areas protected by Elhanu that are set up for participants. Each safehaven comes fully stocked with every kind of luxury imaginable. Excellent food, clothing, the softest beds, etc. In addition to the Safehavens, there is also Rimlight and Hope, two locations further into the arena, closer to the Exit. Both are staffed by Aggillons who are content to serve and entertain the human participants in anyway. And once Callie and the others make it out of the Arena (though Callie is the only one who remembers being there), the participants are blessed for following Elhanu...by financial means. Callie, a struggling artist who had been stuck in a miserable career breeding lab rats, suddenly goes for her dream and in less than a year is a well-known artist. Another character, Peirce, returns to his failing ranch and makes some stock decisions that lead to wealth and comfort for him, his mother and father.
These instances smack of the wealth, health and prosperity gospel that is so prevalent today. True, in the Arena, the participants were subject to violence and aggression from the Tohvani's followers, but once they have followed Elhanu, everything seems to magically fall in place. And sometimes, it seems we hold these same unrealistic expectations for God. Once we faithfully endure a hard time, God should swoop down and reward our perseverance with everything we wanted. Of course, this seems to be the theme of most Christian novels. In most cases, Good Guy/Gal faces terrible situations/circumstances that he/she struggles through for the first three-fourths of the novel before finally humbling his/herself before God. Then things turn around and whatever unfulfilled dream he/she had comes true and he/she thanks God for being awesome...the end.
And we expect that to happen in our lives.
Not that I'm blaming books like Arena for creating the delusion that God is the Great Santa Claus in the sky. But it does reinforce the idea. Then again, books that are a little more realistic, where the main character doesn't get what he/or she wants but what is best for him/her might not sell so well....
Let me give you a quick synopsis of the book. Our main protagonist, Callie, is stuck in an fulfilling life, plagued by deep fears that manifest in the form of acrophobia. Pressed on money, she's talked into signing up for a psychology study on decision making. The study is really a front for an alien operation. She's taken to an alien world called the "Arena" and told she has to follow the manual to find the True Benefactor, the only one who can help her get out of the Arena alive. Here, she is helped by the good aliens, the Aggillon, and hindered by the bad aliens, the Tohvani. They were all one race before one of the Tohvani, Prince Celphalus, had led a rebellion against the Aggillon king, Elhanu (yes, exactly like the fall of Satan). Through all this, Callie comes to faith in Elhanu, trusting him to deliver her back home to Earth.
Over all, the book is a great action-packed sci-fi thriller. The characters are extremely believable with their flaws and floundering faith. And since this is an allegory, some of the things addressed in the novel might not be a direct reflection of a particular theology as just a mechanism for good story telling (as in the case that the participants have to pass through three different gates in order to be "delivered" back home to earth. The gates are symbolic of rebirth, but I'm not quite sure if there author believes that believer must go through several rebirths, or what...to me it seems that she's just drawing out the action a bit). However, I do have a few bones to pick with the plot.
First of all is the involvement of the humans. After Celphulus' unsuccessful rebellion against Elhanu, where the rebellion Aggillons were stripped of their positions and punished, Celphulus demands a retrial of sorts, claiming that Elhanu proves his is unloving and unforgiving by punishing their rebellion. To prove his characteristics of love and forgiveness, Elhanu creates the Arena, and then begins to bring humans from Earth in order to go through a contest of sorts. If the humans follow the manual (representing the Scriptures) and trust in Elhanu, he will lead them safely through the Arena and back to Earth, proving that he keeps his promises. However, he never forces the humans to trust in him, always leaving it up to their own volition whether to follow him or to believe the lies of the Tohvani (the fallen angels) who have corrupted the Arena and are actively working to distract the humans away from following Elhanu.
Supposedly, Elhanu not forcing his will on the humans is his ultimate act of loving compassion. This is clearly representative of the author's view of the importance of human's free will (at least, I can only assume by the novel that she holds human free will as near sacred). However, what I don't understand and what doesn't seem to compare to any sort of theology is the fact that Elhanu is taking humans from a completely different world and setting them up in a test to see if they will follow him. Of course, this is a work of fiction, and this aspect seems more fictional than allegorical. Still, it just seems odd to me.
Another facet that did not appeal to me was the way in which Elhanu provided for the participants that followed him. There are places in the Arena called Safehavens. These are predesignated areas protected by Elhanu that are set up for participants. Each safehaven comes fully stocked with every kind of luxury imaginable. Excellent food, clothing, the softest beds, etc. In addition to the Safehavens, there is also Rimlight and Hope, two locations further into the arena, closer to the Exit. Both are staffed by Aggillons who are content to serve and entertain the human participants in anyway. And once Callie and the others make it out of the Arena (though Callie is the only one who remembers being there), the participants are blessed for following Elhanu...by financial means. Callie, a struggling artist who had been stuck in a miserable career breeding lab rats, suddenly goes for her dream and in less than a year is a well-known artist. Another character, Peirce, returns to his failing ranch and makes some stock decisions that lead to wealth and comfort for him, his mother and father.
These instances smack of the wealth, health and prosperity gospel that is so prevalent today. True, in the Arena, the participants were subject to violence and aggression from the Tohvani's followers, but once they have followed Elhanu, everything seems to magically fall in place. And sometimes, it seems we hold these same unrealistic expectations for God. Once we faithfully endure a hard time, God should swoop down and reward our perseverance with everything we wanted. Of course, this seems to be the theme of most Christian novels. In most cases, Good Guy/Gal faces terrible situations/circumstances that he/she struggles through for the first three-fourths of the novel before finally humbling his/herself before God. Then things turn around and whatever unfulfilled dream he/she had comes true and he/she thanks God for being awesome...the end.
And we expect that to happen in our lives.
Not that I'm blaming books like Arena for creating the delusion that God is the Great Santa Claus in the sky. But it does reinforce the idea. Then again, books that are a little more realistic, where the main character doesn't get what he/or she wants but what is best for him/her might not sell so well....
Sunday, December 14, 2008
fighting mercy
My anxiety has raised it's ugly head this weekend, and it's seeping into all parts of my life. It seems I suffer the most in the spiritual sense during these times. I feel so restless and praying is essentially out of the question. And resting in the presence of God, just being still and knowing Him (meditation) only leaves me more unsettled as I try to suppress the nagging sensation that I should be doing something. I feel as if my body is wired not to rest and it rebels against me whenever I try to slow down and just simply be. Somewhere in my short history I learned that my worth is based on my performance. And I apply this myth to every aspect of my life: work, marriage, church, family, and my relationship with Christ. Sure, I can recite Ephesian 2: 8 and 9 (For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast - NIV) but somewhere deep inside of me screams out against this truth.
Part of me still feels like I have to prove to God that I deserve His mercy. Which of course is complete and utter nonsense. Mercy is not mercy if you have done something to deserve it. The Holman Bible Dictionary states "the most common words in the New Testament for mercy belong to the eleos family. In secular Greek, the word was often viewed as a sign of weakness, a sentimental inclination to be overly lenient." Granted, eleos is only one word used in the Scriptures that's translated as mercy, but I'd rather not get into an indepth word study at 9:40 on a Sunday night with work looming bright and early in the morning. Still, the idea of God being "overly lenient" with me is comforting. I blunder through each day, sometimes just grateful to make it out alive, not to mention how many times I failed my Savior that day. Still, Christ has a "sentimental inclination" to show me mercy, to the point most of us as humans would think He is just plain stupid to keep forgiving me.
This fact is what I truly love about my faith. Most people see Christianity as a giant list of "don'ts" when its really about the God who loves you no matter how many times you do the don'ts. This is a truth I want to reflect more and more in my life.
So I've learned something this weekend through all the anxiety...funny how that always happens.
Part of me still feels like I have to prove to God that I deserve His mercy. Which of course is complete and utter nonsense. Mercy is not mercy if you have done something to deserve it. The Holman Bible Dictionary states "the most common words in the New Testament for mercy belong to the eleos family. In secular Greek, the word was often viewed as a sign of weakness, a sentimental inclination to be overly lenient." Granted, eleos is only one word used in the Scriptures that's translated as mercy, but I'd rather not get into an indepth word study at 9:40 on a Sunday night with work looming bright and early in the morning. Still, the idea of God being "overly lenient" with me is comforting. I blunder through each day, sometimes just grateful to make it out alive, not to mention how many times I failed my Savior that day. Still, Christ has a "sentimental inclination" to show me mercy, to the point most of us as humans would think He is just plain stupid to keep forgiving me.
This fact is what I truly love about my faith. Most people see Christianity as a giant list of "don'ts" when its really about the God who loves you no matter how many times you do the don'ts. This is a truth I want to reflect more and more in my life.
So I've learned something this weekend through all the anxiety...funny how that always happens.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
the auto bailout
What I don't understand is how after handing out billion of dollars to nearly bankrupt companies and then watching companies like AIG waste their bailout on frivilous expenses that our government is thinking about giving even more money out the auto makers. Watching Headline news yesterday, I heard the latest "condition" for automakers - that they have to boot out their current CEOs. Like all good news stations, Headline news was letting viewers call in and give their opinions. What worried me the most was that everyone seemed to think this was a good idea.
Did anyone stop and think that essentially what is happening is that the US government is stepping in on a private company and firing employees? Should the government have the authority to tell a company that they have to fire certain employees? My husband argued that since the government was the one giving the money, then they should be able to dictate that companies payroll. But if you own your own business and go to get a loan from a bank (which is what the government is saying this bailout is, an emergency loan), that bank does not have the authority or right to tell you who may or may not work for you. To me, its frightening that we're going to allow the government to do this. Still, the deal isn't done yet, so I guess we should all just wait and see what happens.
Did anyone stop and think that essentially what is happening is that the US government is stepping in on a private company and firing employees? Should the government have the authority to tell a company that they have to fire certain employees? My husband argued that since the government was the one giving the money, then they should be able to dictate that companies payroll. But if you own your own business and go to get a loan from a bank (which is what the government is saying this bailout is, an emergency loan), that bank does not have the authority or right to tell you who may or may not work for you. To me, its frightening that we're going to allow the government to do this. Still, the deal isn't done yet, so I guess we should all just wait and see what happens.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
I had forgotten how addicting blogging could be. I'm spent most of last night and a good bit of this morning tweaking my blog's appearance and trying to add relevant and interesting information. I've been almost overwhelmed by boredom lately, and this has given me something new and exciting to tinker with. Now all I have to worry about is content. Do I really have anything special/unique/original to say? I hope so. More and more I feel God calling me from my every day existence into something else. To be honest, I've felt miserable having my degree in Christian studies and then working in an entirely different, un-ministry related field. I've berated myself over and over again about what a waste it is, to have studied so hard and to never use it. So maybe this is my chance to use what I learned in four years getting my Christain studies degree. Maybe its time for me to stop limiting what God can do in my life and through me.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
popularity trap
I've caved and returned to the world of blogging, but this time I have a purpose in mind other than publishing a continual pointless whine-fest (I fancy that I've matured over the last year since I had a blog). This time I want to have a little more depth to my blogging. To delve into spiritual matters, to reflect on myself and my relationship with Christ. This is a search for completeness, something I think can't exist without Christ. And I want this to be an honest reflection of my struggles through life and faith. I'm not setting out to preach. I'm trying to share a more honest view of Christianity. With movies like Jesus Camp and the like out there, I wondered what people really know about Christians other than generalizations that categorize us as whacked out, holier-than-thou hypocrites. And what do people really know about Christ? Many people will say they like the teachings of Christ, but only seem to like the ones about not judging others and they don't seem to know much else about what He taught (I guess I'm the one making the generalizations now). So I want to take off that perfect Christian mask that I hide behind and show people what behind all the religious stuff, I'm just an imperfect human loving a perfect God. And as I do this in the safety of the anonymity, I want to do this in real life as well.
May God bless this.
May God bless this.
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