faith and friendship

Can a Christian and an atheist truly be friends?

Before you label me as a wacko Fundamentalist that wants to lock herself in a Christian-only bubble, let me clarify my question. To me, friendship is based on mutual respect, shared convictions, similar interests, and a deep concern for all aspects of the other's life. Of course a Christian can be friends with an atheist and vice versa. There's plenty of non-religious topics to talk about, movies to watch, hobbies to share. You can (and ought to) respect other's beliefs, regardless of whether they line up with yours 100%. And you can even share convictions with non-religious individuals (I know plenty of non-religious people who are monogamists).

So on the surface, sure, a Christian and an atheist can be really good friends as a matter of fact.

But can you be friends with the atheist who isn't just content with not believing in God, but who views religion as a whole as dangerous and believes that the world would be better off without any religion? Can someone demand that I respect their beliefs that are contrary to my own, but then disregard everything I hold dear? Can you really degrade a whole class of people (ie Christians), but then also truly care for the one Christian that happens to be your friend? If you think that the whole lot of Christians are morons, can you still honestly believe that one Christian is bright, intelligent and has anything worthwhile to say?

I think the real heart of the matter is the atheist doesn't realize what he is saying. He doesn't realize that when he tears down a religion as a whole, he's also tearing down that one Christian friend. And vice versa. The fact of the matter is that there is no "general" Christian or atheist. We're not all fundamentalists or militant atheists. But when we attack one anther, we only see black and white. We try to protect our friends by putting them in some gray area that falls outside of all of our generalizations, and then we become blind to that fact that we're really hating on them too.

So it's really not a matter of can a Christian and an atheist be friends. It's more can you profess to hate a generalized class of people and really be able to love anyone at all.

getting skinny for Jesus

I finally broke down and bought the First Place 4 Health book. Immediately after buying the book, my husband and I went out for lunch where I bought a fried chicken basket from Rush's (a local fast food chain). That was a month ago. I just started reading the book this week.

So can you tell how serious I am about this? It's taken me one month to read the introduction. I haven't even started chapter one yet. I drag my feet enough when it comes to those pesky little words "diet" and "exercise", but start throwing in Scripture references and I down-right get sulky. And skeptical. I already feel unworthy looking at the cover of Self magazine, now your going to show me another skinny cover-model and imply that not only is she skinnier than me, she's more spiritual? Egads.

And why do we have to take a diet and exercise program and make it biblical in the first place? Just so we can sell it in Christian book stores? Just because we know eating healthy and exercise is good for us, does not mean we have to find this truth in Scripture. The Bible is an anthology of spiritual teachings, not a workout plan or a biology text book. The focus of Scripture is God and how man can relate to Him. Yet, we tend to take Scripture that has spiritual applications and try to bend it to meet a certain topic. People take the story of Daniel and how he refused to eat the king's food because it violated purity laws. He asked to eat only certain foods not because they were intrinsically better for him, but because he wanted to fulfill the law. And God blessed this by making him fitter than those eating the king's food. Yet, people take this Scripture which focuses on obeying God's word and run away with it, formulating some perfect diet plan that somehow obliges God to help you lose weight.

Yet, here I am reading a Bible-study/healthy living plan. The fact remains that just because the Bible does not explicitly tell me that eating right and exercise are good for me doesn't negate the fact that these are good things. And I like the holistic approach that the First Place 4 Health program seems to endorse. The emphasis is growing in all four areas of life: physical, spiritual, intellectual and emotional. So, I'm still a little skeptical, but I'm going to give it a try. We'll just have to see.

the hazards of journals

I've been reading through my older journals, marveling at how so many petty things seemed so monumentally important at the time. Tiffs between friends, minor grievances that were so important at the time, pages of teenage angst. It's laughable and highly embarrassing.

I did notice a pattern though: I seem to describe the same spiritual struggles, over and over and over again. Feeling spiritually "dry", struggling to attend church, neglecting quiet time and Bible study, out right ignoring prayer. The same themes run through each journal.

And I've been a Christian for over ten years.

Frankly, it's scary that I've seemingly not grown for the past decade. I've seen no victory, no triumph. I've studied theology, read through the Bible five times, read numerous Christian living books, but have I gotten anything out of it? Or has it all been outward motions, white-washed tombs?

All I can say is, Jesus, forgive me.

I've been telling myself for the past few months that I'm just in one of those "desert places" - which is a nice euphemism for saying "I just really don't care any more." Studying my journals makes me think it's not so much a temporary thing as an underlying condition. For a majority of the past few years my heart has been cold and unmoved, and I have done very little to change that. I haven't done anything to fight this apathy. Nor have I called out for God to save me from myself.

Because who knows what God might do if I honestly ask Him to wake me up? He might ask me to do something crazy. Something outside my comfort zone. And I'm going to be completely honest: I don't know if I love Jesus enough to step outside my comfort zone.

I want to love Him that much. I want to love Him enough to drop the act, get rid of all the pettiness, to step out and live my life one hundred percent for Him. But fear chokes me, holds me back, and has kept me in the same spot spiritually for years.

And I just let it happen. I let my circumstances dictate how I was going to live. I let the worry of bills stop me from even dreaming of a more meaningful life. I sat back and judged others while my own heart was a withered pit inside my chest. And I've been jealous of others who God has blessed with a ministry; I've mocked and belittled their work, refusing to see God's hand it in.

I'm rather overwhelmed by my own stupidity. I would beat my chest and rend my clothing, but I'm wearing one of my husband's shirts and I don't think he would appreciate it. Joking aside, God has been gracious enough to show me how big of a fool I am.

I know I can't get up from this computer and do anything to change this. That's a God thing. It's a grace thing. It's time for the hard part: to step back and let God do what He wills.

Today I browsed over an article about how the renown Stephen Hawkings has recently changed his ideas about God; he now believes there is enough evidence for the universe being created by the Big Bang and that God simply isn't needed to explain the universe's creation. My first reaction was anger. As the media is inundated with a more anti-Christian perspective, I find myself growing angry to the point that some days I have trouble reading the news at all.

But is this a Christian reaction?

As I was driving home and mulling over my reaction, I couldn't help but question how Jesus reacted to disbelief. We're told to expect it from the world -we'll be hated for our faith in Christ (see Matt. 10:22, Mark 13:13, Luke 21:17). So why do we react with such self-righteous indignation when the world acts like Christ promised it would? We really should have seen it coming.

But as I was driving and thinking, I realized I didn't know much about how Jesus reacted to unbelief. Yes, I've read the gospels dozens of times, but I've never really paid much attention to how Jesus handled those who were hostile towards Him.

I want to study His reactions. Get a new Bible, and read through the Gospels, study them, searching out his responses to those around Him, highlighting passages, taking notes....going deep. Of course, we all know the saying about good intentions. Maybe I won't get around to my little in-depth study. But it's definitely food for thought.

evangelism as duty

I have struggled with evangelism since I became a Christian. I'm a naturally shy person. Add years of being the victim of bullying, and the result is a person who is almost socially inept. I get nervous calling in a to-go order. Seriously. I either make my husband call or I find a place I can order online.

So when someone essentially hands me a stack of tracts and tells me to go hand them out, I panic. And when you imply that if I don't hand out said tracts (but rather sneak out the back door), that my salvation is in question, then I really start to prickle. There is nothing worse than being told that just because you don't have an overwhelming urge to go up and share your faith with strangers on the street that you don't really love Jesus.

To say that it irks me is an understatement. A few years ago at a church I used to attend, the pastor went through a sermon series on evangelism. The idea made me a little twitchy, but I was determined to sit through the entire series (and apply some of it to my life). A few weeks in, we came to the dreaded moment. After exhorting us for thirty minutes regarding our willingness to share our faith, we got to the invitation part of the service. With heads bowed and eyes closed, we were asked if we were ready to live as a witness for Jesus. And then the command came: "Raise your hand if your committed to sharing your testimony with five people this week." To my left and my right hands lifted in the air. My hands stayed clenched in my lap.

"No," I told myself. "I won't commit to that. I won't set an impossible goal for myself that I will only berate myself for not meeting. I won't feel guilty about this. I won't."

But then it got worse.

After a few moments, the pastor commented "I'm not sure why some people didn't raise their hands, but...." I didn't really pay attention to what else he said. It felt like a knife straight to my heart. I'm not stupid. I knew I was probably the only one in the sanctuary that hadn't held their hand up high. And even though everyone had their eyes closed, I felt like I was pointed out in the crowd. The pastor had let everyone know that someone didn't love Jesus very much.

I felt like someone had pinned a scarlet "A" to my chest.

I have nothing against people who can go out, pass out tracts and witness to the crowds. They rock my socks. I seriously admire people who can be standing in line at the pharmacy and turn a comment about the weather into a mini-presentation of the gospel that changes peoples lives. But it baffles me that some people want to pressure someone like me, who would probably hyperventilate and pass out cold, to do the same thing. It wouldn't be effective. No one is going to come to Jesus watching me have a full-blown panic attack.

The guilt is crippling. Thank God He sent His Son to free me from the weight of religious "ought-to's". Paul makes it clear that not everyone has the same spiritual gifts, and to try to use a gift that you don't have is like a foot trying to be a hand. I can force myself to go out and witness to strangers on the street. But I'm not going to be as effective as someone who has the gift of evangelism. And God has given me different gifts to use to glorify Him. I'll glorify God more by being the person He created me to be than being the person men think I ought to be.

amazed by grace

It's often said that God uses the most unlikely people to reach out to you in your time of need. This morning, that couldn't be more true.

Just yesterday I was trying to justify my recent abscence from the women's Bible study I attend. I rambled on as I got ready, listing off to my husband one excuse after another. I didn't feel like the other women in the study liked me. They hardly ever talked to me. I felt like the judged me. My husband listened patiently as I whined and then reminded me that the people didn't really matter, but my relationship with God did.

So I trudged on to Bible study, feeling reluctant and detached. As prayer requests were exchanged, I decided to be a little daring. I shared about my on-going struggle with depression and how the recent lost of my cat had sent me spiraling downward, triggering the worst symptoms. The ladies listened and encouraged me. I was a little surprised that I received no condemning looks. Many times before, mention of my depression had gotten me the "oh ye of little faith" look and pointless banter on how if I just trusted God more, the depression would poof!, disappear.

So I really wasn't expecting what happened this morning.

One of the ladies from Bible study came up to me first thing in the morning at work. I was little surprised to see her at my desk; we seldom talked outside of Bible study. As she talked about typical work stuff, she plunked down a women's devotional on my desk. Before she left, she gestured towards the book and told me she had picked it up for me. And with that she breezed off.

I picked up the devotional. Tucked inside was a card encouraging me, letting me know I wasn't alone in my struggles, reminding me I was being prayed for.

I called my husband, sniffling but smiling.

new blog

Just a little bit of self promotion:

I've started a crochet/knitting blog: The Yarn Artificer.

edgy faith

Being a twenty-something, I'm attracted to a more vibrant faith - one that wants to live past the four walls of a church, to not be confined by a to-do list of morality. But more and more, Christians who are looking for more active (and interactive) faith, are throwing morality and even theology, out the window. I just finished an article at wrecked.org. The site proclaims its focus is "social action for spiritual misfits". The idea of social action is something I can get behind. However, the article, Breaking the Lightbulbs: How to Silence Theology, made me stop and go "Really? Are you serious?" The blogger pretty well decries theology as just pointless words that do more harm than good. We need to "unname" God and glory in our unknowing.

I have to say, on the writer's side, I have seen some people use theology as a beating stick. I went to a Christian college and I well remember the Arminianist v. Calvinist fights in the cafeteria that almost came to blows. And the Christian studies students that strutted around with their Bibles tucked under their arms, always eager to ramble on about their own personal theology in class and who turned up their noses at the content that the professors tried to teach. Yes, some people can be jerks when it comes to theology.

But what good is social change when there is no truth? I can feed the poor, clothe the sick but if I don't teach them Christ, they'll be fed and clothed but still lost in their sin. To take the truth, the theology, out of Christian service is to diminish serving Christ to a simple welfare program. And the last time I checked, the United States already had a nice, secular welfare program in place. If that's all that's needed, then the church isn't needed.

married without children

Most women's ministries, whether at the church or online, seem to be geared towards mommies. That's just the way it seems to be. I subscribe to a couple of devotional email lists and try to follow certain blogs, and most of them cover topics about motherhood. Then you have the major women's ministries such as mothers morning out and the like.

So, yeah, it makes me feel a little weird being a married, non-mommy. I've had to deal with people who think their two-month old belongs in the adult Sunday school class, not in the nursery. Or the well-meaning congregation members that introduce themselves and the first thing they ask is "do you have any children?" And once, when I responded in the negative, I was asked if we wanted children (to which I really wanted to respond with "why yes, my husband and I are having unprotected sex in hopes of conception").

I'm not meaning to be down on all the mommy-ministries. They're important. And, honestly, there are more mothers than non-mothers in the average church. But it's hard to get involved in a group when you're the only childless woman. Everyone else already has one thing in common, and you end up feeling like the oddball. And a lot of Christian moms don't understand women who are just as devout in their faith but don't want children. Or, if you're like me, and you do want children, but it's just not happening right now, it's awkward to answer questions.

So I guess the moral of the story is, when you meet that new woman in your small group or sitting behind you in the congregation, don't assume and be careful what you ask. Keep in mind not all of us have joined the ranks of motherhood and it can be a very painful and tricky topic.

Is obesity a sin?

I recently read (well, partially read) the post "The Poison of Quaint Moralism" over at The Resurgence. While obesity isn't the point of Tyler Jone's article, one part really jumped out at me:

"The obesity crisis in our culture is a perfect example. We are killing ourselves with things that have the appearance of health but in actuality are destructive. No one has ever become obese from eating vegetables! No doctor has ever said, "Your consumption of grapes is going to be the end of you." No, it's the 2000-calorie hamburger with sausage and bacon on top that is making us obese. Commercials, web advertisements, and billboards depict our favorite indulgence, causing us to drool like Pavlov's dog before we consume to our own death. These foods have the appearance of health but they poison us."

Okay, yes, we Americans, in general, are a fat nation. But this is the second reference to obesity I've seen over at The Resurgence's website. The Resurgence is a website more or less devoted to Reformed theology/doctrine/etc. So why are they so down on people who have weight problems?

As I mentioned in an earlier post, weight problems can point to sin issues of overindulgence or lack of discipline. But is obesity in and of itself a sin? I've watched plenty of people diet, exercise and deny themselves every little pleasure of the food variety....and never drop a pound. These people do not overindulge but rather practice a level of discipline that I stand in awe of...but through a twist of genetics, they just can't drop those pounds.

As a woman, I already have too many expectations placed on me regarding my appearance coming from secular sources...now it seems like the church is going to start chiming in. To be the good Christian woman, do I need to wear khakis, blouses in pastel colors, have styled/colored hair, and wear a size 6? I'm already under enough pressure to have the right clothes, the right makeup, the right jewelry when I'm out in the world. I don't want to have to worry about those things when I walk into church on Sunday morning in order to worship.

Jesus, seekers, relevance and love

"We frequently hear evangelical Christians say that their non-Christian friends are "seeking God" or "searching for God." Why do we say this when Scripture so clearly teaches that no unregenerate person seeks after God? Thomas Aquinas observed that people are seeking happiness, peace, relief from guilt, personal fulfillment, and other such benefits. We understand that these benefits can be found ultimately in God alone. We draw the inference that, because these people are seeking what God alone can supply, they must be seeking God himself. This is our error. In our fallen condition we desire the benefits that only God can give us but we do not want him. We want the gifts without the Giver, the benefits without the Benefactor." R.C. Sproul, What is Reformed Theology?: Understanding the Basics

When I read this the other day, it brought me to a halt. It made think of all of the sermons and books I've heard and read about being a "seeker sensitive church". Of all the ways we scramble to try not to be offensive to outsiders because we don't want to scare them off.

How can we not be offensive?

What Christians believe is offensive at the core: that there is one God and only one way to that God. In our post-modern world of relativism, that's about as offensive as you can get.

So we take crosses out of the church and sing medleys of secular music to tie into our sermon series. And we assume that the seekers will flock to our church, here the gospel somewhere in our cutesy little sermon about how Jesus wants us to be happy, and then grow to be strong, discipled Christians.

But there are no seekers.

Earlier in the book, Sproul had quoted Romans 3:19-18, part of which states "There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God. They have all gone out of the way; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no not one". Sprouls uses this verse to build on the concept of total depravity (or radical corruption as he calls it). To summarize the chapter, he is arguing that unless God calls us, we will not, cannot, seek Him by ourselves.

And if you just thought "Oh, God, she's a Calvinist" I would have to say "Yuppers."

But let's put the "C" word aside for now and focus on the gospel.

Jesus states in Luke 21:17 "All men will hate you because of me." That's about a straightforward as it gets. The world has never, and will never, love Christians. We are scorned because of Christ. And really, there's only one way that we won't be hated: we have to get rid of Christ.

And sadly, that's what some people have done.

To be more "relevant", they've torn apart his message, gotten rid of all the "naughty bits" about him being the only way. Gotten rid of all the tough love sermons about obedience. None of that "taking up your cross" crap. Just us and buddy Christ loving the world straight to hell.

I was chastised by a fellow Christian the other day when I expressed shock and disbelief at another Christian's blatant sin. He told me that she was just another hurting person that needed to be loved on. I couldn't help but think "can we really love someone out of hell?"

The Great Commission states: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:27-28) Maybe it's just me, but that sounds like a lot more than just loving on people.

Please don't get me wrong. Loving others important. In fact, it's commanded. And even Christ said that to love God and to love others is the sum of the Law. But my understanding of God doesn't stop there.

I've had a friend that for the past two years has been in a "gray area" of faith: stuck between living a Christian life and living her life any old way. Her theology revolves around what God can do for her. For two years I have loved on her, supported her, encouraged her. I have only gingerly corrected her theology once or twice. Out of concern for her feelings and not wanting to seem holier-than-thou, I have never once challenged her health/wealth/prosperity understanding of God. Loving her has not gotten her into church. Loving her has not gotten her to read her Bible. And to be honest, if I really loved her, and God, I would have the nerve to say "There's more to Jesus than what you see right now. Here, let me show you."

fat v. fit and the Christian

I came across an article entitled "Pastor, You're Probably Fat: 6 Things to Do About It" over on The Resurgence website today. The idea of obesity as a spiritual problem is something that is hard for me to accept. When I go into the local Christian bookstore and see a whole section on health, I cringe. I can't help but think "how does my weight have anything to do with my walk with God?"

However, the article made a few good points (six actually...ha ha). The point that really hit home was this: "The very evidence of fat in a person’s life demonstrates that there are some spiritual areas that need attention regarding compulsions and lazy behaviors." My eating habits really do show my overall lack of discipline in my life. Most of the time when I eat out it's not because its a special occasion or a social gathering, but because I'm just too plain lazy, either to cook or to shop to get groceries. Also, I have a hard time telling my body no. I use excuses such as "I'm stressed" or "it's that time" to justify cramming my face with all sorts of unhealthy foods. Not that I feel I need to or should give up everything I like, but there comes a time for some moderation.

I still don't know if 1 Corinthians 6:19-20* really is a good Scriptural reference for dieting. I'm not buying into those "Biblical" diets out there (like the Eden diet). But I do want to have more discipline in my life, and controlling what I eat will be a major challenge. I've been toying with the idea of checking out the First Place 4 Health books, and this article may just have given me the motivation to try it.

* "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." (ESV)

remember to check your gauge

Crochet patterns usually come with instructions on how to make a gauge swatch: a small sample of fabric that you can check your work against to make sure the pattern will turn out right. Typically, I ignore the gauge swatches. I haven't made a good many clothes and most of the blankets have been for babies, so I've always decided the gauge wasn't that important. But I'm trying a new pattern now, one for a vest, and I want to do my best. So last night I sat down to make my first gauge swatch. I figured I would stitch it up as directed, get it right on the first go, and move on.

I was wrong.

I stitched the swatch twice with the recommended hook. Both times the gauge was off. Then I hit a dilemma. Instructions usually advise a hook size, but then add "or size to obtain gauge". It looked like I was going to have to go up a hook size.

I'm not going to super-spiritualize what is really just a trivial moment. But I did have to battle my own stubbornness to pick up the larger hook size. And yes, the third swatch matched the dimensions that the pattern said it should. It makes me wonder how teachable I am on larger, more spiritual matters, if I resist following the instructions on simple crochet pattern.

"I continue to dream and pray about a revival of holiness in our day that moves forth in mission and creates authentic community in which each person can be unleashed through the empowerment of the Spirit to fulfill God's creational intentions." John Wesley

Good Friday

Who has believed our message? To whom will the Lord reveal his saving power? My servant grew up in the Lord's presence like a tender green shoot, sprouting from a root in dry and sterile ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected-a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God for his own sins! But he was wounded and crushed for our sins. He was beaten that we might have peace. He was whipped, and we were healed! All of us have strayed away like sheep. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the guilt and sins of us all. He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led as a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. From prison and trial they led him away to his death. But who among the people realized that he was dying for their sins-that he was suffering their punishment? He had done no wrong, and he never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal; he was put in a rich man's grave. But it was the Lord's good plan to crush him and fill him with grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have a multitude of children, many heirs. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord's plan will prosper in his hands. When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of what he has experienced, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins. I will give him the honors of one who is mighty and great, because he exposed himself to death. He was counted among those who were sinners. He bore the sins of many and interceded for sinners.

Isaiah 53, NLT

holiday, holy day

Easter is almost here. Walking into Wal-Mart, chocolate bunnies and brightly colored basket-grass abound. While I don't have children myself, I get to listen to my coworkers talk about all the goodies they're getting for their children. I miss those long gone days of spring break and waking up to a basket of candy.

I miss Easter being a holiday.

But has it ever really been a holy day to me?

I didn't grow up in a church-going family. We didn't even go to church on Christmas or Easter. So the idea of a holy day, a day set apart for God, is a little foreign to me, even after a decade of being a believer. I've been trying to let the holiness of the seasons of Easter and Christmas sink in deeper. My husband and I celebrated Advent last year, and this year we've been following a more traditional Lenten fast of abstaining from meat.

But it's hard. I've found that just doing stuff (of not doing stuff in the case of Lent), hasn't really seemed to touch me deep down. Yes, it's been a challenge, but more often than not I find myself lamenting my cheeseburger-less state rather than dwelling on deeper, more spiritual things. I've been left wondering which is better: to practice the traditional holy days, etc. or to live "free" from such things. I like what Romans has to say:

One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. Romans 14:5, 6 ESV

I have no real conclusion as to what's best. And maybe one isn't better than the others; it's all about our attitude as we either eat or abstain, celebrate a certain day or spend it just like any other. That's the beautiful thing though: we are each so individual and God reaches out to us in completely unique ways. He doesn't use a set formula to reach Megan plus every other Christian on earth. He relates to me in a completely different way than He relates to anyone else. It makes me feel loved.

feel-good faith

This week is the third week of Lent, a season of fasting and contemplation. I've looked forward to these forty days leading up to the celebration of Easter. I had determined that it would be a time of prayer and spiritual growth. I had expected days of reflection and experiencing that floaty, abstract feeling of being close to God. God, on the other hand, seems to have other plans for my spiritual growth. Instead of the feel-good emotions that so many of us attribute to spirituality, it's been one hard situation after another. I've been left feeling drained and disappointed.

But I'm learning more about God this way.

It hit me this afternoon, as I was agonizing over yet another stressful situation, that this was my chance to become more Christ-like. I won't grow in my faith by experiencing nothing but feel-good spiritual highs. It's in facing the tough days that I realize that I can't do it on my own strength (something that I really need to be reminded of every day). I'm forced to rely either on my own, flawed strength to get me through or to cling to Christ. Each difficult moment is a chance to follow Christ in how I react to the situation. Do I show grace to others or do I sulk and feel sorry for myself? Do I serve others regardless of how I'm feeling? After all, it's easy to serve others when we're in a good mood or when everyone is getting along. But Christ doesn't excuse us from serving others just because we're having a bad day or because others aren't "playing nice".

Jesus stated "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil." (Luke 6:32-35, ESV)

Expecting nothing in return.

Too often I serve others expecting some reward or praise. But Christ calls us to serve when there are no returns, when there's no point to the good things we're doing. It's not a matter of being blessed for our good deeds, but of being obedient to our call as Christ's followers.

"Christianity promises to make men free; it never promises to make them independent." William Ralph Inge

A good quote to think on....

childlike

I can't help it. I want to squeal with delight. Throw on a big, warm sweater and run around outside, giggling with glee (which would probably scare the kids playing outside). It's snowing. And for South Carolina, that's a big thing.

Snow always brings out my inner-child. Growing up here in the south, it's such a rarity. We usually get two or three "false alarms" a year, but it's only every few years that the flakes will fall, and better yet, stick.

Even now, I'm checking every half hour or so to see if the snow is still falling...and feeling that same thrill to see the white flecks dancing in the sky.

All this childlike enthusiasm brings Scripture to mind, where Christ says we must become like children to enter the kingdom of Heaven (see Mark 10:15 and Luke 18:17). Am I like a child with my faith? Enthusiastic? Excited? Teachable?

Lately, I've been reading a lot of hefty works by the likes of Brother Lawrence, Thomas a' Kempis, and RC Sproul. And while anyone who knows me well knows that I am ardently in favor of reading the Christian "classics", sometimes I wonder if I'm too bogged down with reading dead authors (as Mark Driscoll put it). I focus so hard on studying doctrines and theologies that I completely forget the simple joy of simply sitting in Jesus' presence.

rejecting blessings

2010 has not been off to a good start. Misunderstandings between friends, a health scare with our cat, and the daily grind of life have all added up to one very drained chica here.

Then it got worse.

Long story short, my husband and I were in a fender-bender last night. Now we're facing paperwork, premiums, and busy schedules with only one car between us.

After everything settle down last night and we made it home and into our PJs, we crashed on the couch to replay the events of our disasterous evening. After sharing a miriad of what-ifs, we started recounting all of the things that had gone right: no one was hurt; the officer was calm and understanding; the expenses arent' goign to be quite as bad as we first thought. I kept saying "Life is hard, but God is good."

Yet at the same time, a not-so-small voice in my head was screaming "What?!?! Blessings?!??! What just happened was bad!!! Why are you trying to look at the good side, these so-called blessings? Are you stupid?!!?"

It was hard, but I refused to listen to that voice. Listening to the local Christian station in the car, I sing along to songs about God's goodness in the face of trials. But when those hard times hit, it's so easy to throw those lyrics out the window and grouse about my lousy luck. However, God is good, regardless of whether or not my emotions or situations say it is so. Oswald Chambers writes “Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.” When things get rough, it's hard to hold onto that faith you have when things are going your way. But God's character does not change as our situations do. His character is consistent, and that is the hope I lean on when it seems all else if failing around me.

Romans 7:14-20

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Romans 7:14-20, NIV

I've been studying the book of Romans the past few months and have been reading through John R.W. Stott's The Message of Romans. One of my favorite passages from Romans is 7:14-20 (above). However, I found myself disagree with Stott's view of this passage.

Stott states that since the person Paul refers to in this passage is still a slave to sin, unable to do what is good, that this person is only "half-saved": they love the law, but they lack the Holy Spirit. They are regenerate, but still under the Law.

First, since Paul here is writing in first person, I've always assumed that Paul is speaking of his own struggles, not telling the struggles of someone else through the first person. In fact, up until this point, Paul has easily described other's arguments without using the first person narrative. So I'm not sure why it's assumed that now he's still expressing the view of a third party, only using the first person.

Second, this passage has always brought great comfort to me. I always interpreted it as a Christian (this being Paul himself) who still faces the daily struggle of sin: yes, I want to do good, to follow Christ, but I still mess up. However, Stott throws this out, stating that the person Paul is describing isn't a mature Christian, indwelt by the Holy Spirit. He seems to imply that mature Christians don't struggle with, or become ensnared in, sin.

I agree, what's described isn't "normative" Christian life: we aren't slaves to sin in the sense that we have no power to reject and act contrary to our sin nature. However, we still retain a sin nature, and we can easily fall prey to our sinful desires that are part of our being human. While Christian life isn't marked by a constant struggle, there is a struggle present.

I'm not a "professional" Bible scholar, so maybe my interpretation is the faulty one, not Stott's. I just have trouble wrapping my head around the idea of being regenerated, but still under the law, and the term "half-saved" simply makes me twitch.

a quick promo

For my husband's blog, Proslogial. Check it out.

I might be doing a short series on the church in my upcoming posts. Depends on how lazy I am over the next few weeks.

"It is no small matter to dwell in a religious community, or congregation, to converse therein without complaint, and to persevere therein faithfully until death." Thomas A' Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

Just a little something to think about.

of husbands and Apollos

The other week I curled up in bed with a new Christian romance book. Next to me was my husband, trying to get in an afternoon nap before work. As I read, I came across a line that almost made me literally laugh out loud. The author described the main hero as a "golden-haired Apollo". I turned and looked down at my own dark-haired man, who happened to be snoring by that point, and thought "that's what happens to golden-haired Apollos".

That one line made me stop and think about how I view my husband. I recently finished reading Mark Driscoll's Religion Saves: And Nine Other Misconceptions. In one chapter, while discussing sexual purity, he exhorts men and women to keep their spouse as their ideal for beauty. And the reference to a blonde Greek god made me stop and think about whether or not my husband is my standard for attractiveness. He's not some stunning, tall, dark and handsome stranger. He's not the mold of the typical Christian romance hero, but I don't think I could really fall in love with any of those guys. My husband and I have known each other for over six years. We've both changed, mentally, spiritually, and physically. But even with the added pounds and the rest of the effects that aging has taken on our bodies, I love him more. He's not some cowboy riding across the plains to rescue me, but he has a reliable Honda and I know he'll be there to pick me up after work, even if he's running a few minutes.

A few days after my little revelation, I was sitting on the couch watching my husband create a new character on the RPG video game he's been playing. I made an off-hand comment that he always makes his female characters have dark hair and why didn't he ever try to design a character with lighter hair. He looked at me, gave me his little-boy grin, and told me it was his ideal of beauty. After giving him the raised-eyebrow of "what are you talking about?" he went on to explain that it's because I have dark hair, and being his ideal, he models them after me.

It was cheesy, but it made me swoon. What can I say? We're two nerds in love.

purpose

I've had this blog for over a year, so I suppose it's a little late for me to be posting a purpose statement, but it's a new year and I've resolved to be more dedicated with this blog. So here it is:

My purpose is to be real.

As Christians, we so often try to put on a "poker face" for the world. We arm ourselves with obligatory Christian paraphernalia (Bible carry-cases, bumper stickers, TestaMints to hand out to our non-believing friends) and we play the part of "good Christian" (insert your presupposition for how a Christian ought to behave here). When we fail to live up to our own standard that we've so sanctimoniously imposed on others, we spout cliches such as "I'm not perfect, just forgiven." We vainly to try to hide our flaws from non-Christians, from fellow believers, and even from ourselves.

This blog is my attempt at honesty. I want to share not only my love for God, but my struggles with my faith. I hope non-Christians will get a genuine look at Christ, not just a Jesus hidden behind cliches and self-righteousness. To fellow Christians, I hope you see a sister - someone who sometimes needs encouragement, sometimes a kick in the butt, and always prayer.

Ultimately, though, I seek to glorify God. In the words of Oswald Chambers: "I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and for Him alone." (from My Utmost for His Highest)