"It is no small matter to dwell in a religious community, or congregation, to converse therein without complaint, and to persevere therein faithfully until death." Thomas A' Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

Just a little something to think about.

of husbands and Apollos

The other week I curled up in bed with a new Christian romance book. Next to me was my husband, trying to get in an afternoon nap before work. As I read, I came across a line that almost made me literally laugh out loud. The author described the main hero as a "golden-haired Apollo". I turned and looked down at my own dark-haired man, who happened to be snoring by that point, and thought "that's what happens to golden-haired Apollos".

That one line made me stop and think about how I view my husband. I recently finished reading Mark Driscoll's Religion Saves: And Nine Other Misconceptions. In one chapter, while discussing sexual purity, he exhorts men and women to keep their spouse as their ideal for beauty. And the reference to a blonde Greek god made me stop and think about whether or not my husband is my standard for attractiveness. He's not some stunning, tall, dark and handsome stranger. He's not the mold of the typical Christian romance hero, but I don't think I could really fall in love with any of those guys. My husband and I have known each other for over six years. We've both changed, mentally, spiritually, and physically. But even with the added pounds and the rest of the effects that aging has taken on our bodies, I love him more. He's not some cowboy riding across the plains to rescue me, but he has a reliable Honda and I know he'll be there to pick me up after work, even if he's running a few minutes.

A few days after my little revelation, I was sitting on the couch watching my husband create a new character on the RPG video game he's been playing. I made an off-hand comment that he always makes his female characters have dark hair and why didn't he ever try to design a character with lighter hair. He looked at me, gave me his little-boy grin, and told me it was his ideal of beauty. After giving him the raised-eyebrow of "what are you talking about?" he went on to explain that it's because I have dark hair, and being his ideal, he models them after me.

It was cheesy, but it made me swoon. What can I say? We're two nerds in love.

purpose

I've had this blog for over a year, so I suppose it's a little late for me to be posting a purpose statement, but it's a new year and I've resolved to be more dedicated with this blog. So here it is:

My purpose is to be real.

As Christians, we so often try to put on a "poker face" for the world. We arm ourselves with obligatory Christian paraphernalia (Bible carry-cases, bumper stickers, TestaMints to hand out to our non-believing friends) and we play the part of "good Christian" (insert your presupposition for how a Christian ought to behave here). When we fail to live up to our own standard that we've so sanctimoniously imposed on others, we spout cliches such as "I'm not perfect, just forgiven." We vainly to try to hide our flaws from non-Christians, from fellow believers, and even from ourselves.

This blog is my attempt at honesty. I want to share not only my love for God, but my struggles with my faith. I hope non-Christians will get a genuine look at Christ, not just a Jesus hidden behind cliches and self-righteousness. To fellow Christians, I hope you see a sister - someone who sometimes needs encouragement, sometimes a kick in the butt, and always prayer.

Ultimately, though, I seek to glorify God. In the words of Oswald Chambers: "I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and for Him alone." (from My Utmost for His Highest)

Just finished read Evangelical Feminism & Biblical Truth by Wayne Grudam. Book review to come later, perhaps. It took me almost all of 2009 to finish this thing!

season of advent

Tomorrow is the first day of Advent, and this will also be the first time my husband and I "celebrate" the advent season. I've found that the past few years that Christmas has come and gone with me barely giving a nod of acknowledgment as to the "reason for the season". With all the shopping and family functions and eating to be done, I've been missing out on the spiritual depth and beauty of this time of year.

So, we've bought an advent candle holder (had to order it off the internet...all the ones in the local Christian books stores were...well, ugly). My husband has baked some fresh bread and bought a bottle of wine so we can celebrate communion (is that naughty?). And I'm going to try to focus in and not get myself so distracted with the mad rush of the holidays.

the weight of prayer

I am not a prayer warrior.

I simply struggle too much with prayer. Lately, I feel like there are just so many prayer requests out there that I get bogged down just at the thought of them. The requests of the ladies at Bible study; the requests in the Sunday morning bulletin at church; the needs of my family, both immediate and extended; salvation for lost friends and coworkers; the list seems never ending. Not to mention confessing my own sins and praying for my own spiritual growth/needs.

Where do I start? How do I start?

I've gotten to where I feel like prayer weighs me down, not lifts me up.

And books on prayer only seem to add to the weight. How-to's, lists, acronyms to remember what to prayer and in what order. So much to do that there is no time to simply sit in His presence; to sit there and just rest in Him feels ineffective and unproductive...and selfish! I could be praying for so many people in the time I take to try to listen to Him. And when I do try to just sit and listen, all those request start pinging around in my mind, demanding my attention.

I like what Sister Wendy Beckett had to say about prayer: "There seems to be a universal certainty that there is some secret about prayer that can be taught. People feel sure that they would be prepared to go to a great deal of trouble and experience considerable difficulties if that was the way to uncover this mysterious "secret." But prayer is essentially simple." (From Sister Wendy on Prayer).

I want simple prayer. I need simple prayer. More than that, I need to remember that prayer is not about me...it's about communing with Him. It's about the sheer, amazing fact that I, an infinite, fallible human, can commune with a eternal, infallible God...and that He wants me to! That is the truly amazing part...not just fulfilling some perceived duty.

faith

"Faith is not burying our heads in the sand, or screwing ourselves up to believe what we know is not true, or even whistling in the dark to keep our spirits up. On the contrary, faith is a reasoning trust. There can be no believing without thinking." -- John R. W. Scott, from The Message of Romans

Came across this in my devotional reading tonight. Felt like I needed to share.